I went to a Muslim secondary school for my A-level and that is where I started appreciating this whole ritual our Muslim brothers and sisters have with a jerrycan (it used to be a kettle in the olden days – but why!!?) when going to the toilet.
As I grew older and more sexually aware, I realized that it was a practice Christians needed to stop mocking and actually copy. You may not carry a kettle or jerrycan to the toilet, or plop your bare bottom in an airport washbasin like I have seen some crazy guy do in a viral video, but by all means normalize ablution after using the toilet.
If you are in the habit of making intimate demands of your spouse, be sure you are in serviceable shape, hygienically. When you wake up to use the bathroom especially in the night, don’t just wipe; wash!
It is not a religious ritual, it is a matter of being mindful of your hygiene and of your spouse’s comfort in bed. Please.
“When we were newlywed, I suffered an incident that almost ended my marriage. Later, though, through a marrieds home cell where the hygiene topic was intimately discussed, I saw that the fault was actually mine,” one wife, who requested anonymity, shared.
The incident she suffered? Well, she had been pushing her husband to try oral sex on each other for some time.
“I went first, and he really enjoyed it and decided to reciprocate, only to – and this is really embarrassing – only for him to start retching and gagging while down there!”
Her husband actually dashed to the bathroom to throw up, leaving her lying in bed livid, high and dry. “That day, I almost left my marriage.”
But then her church called for a married couples’ meeting soon after the incident, where people spoke candidly about intimacy and the role of hygiene. She put herself in her spouse’s shoes and felt humbled.
“We have been married for 21 years now, and it is entrenched in us that we use water to clean after using the toilet, especially after a ‘number two’, and we are not Muslim. I encourage everyone who desires a healthy sex life to normalise that.”
Normalise that, just as you normalise circumcision. If you insist on keeping your foreskin, then sir, be meticulous about your cleanliness, because your spouse’s sexual and reproductive health also depends on your genital health.
Increasingly, just as many women as men stumble home after a long day at work and jump into bed without a shower. Gasp!
It was unheard of in the past, and most complaints about an aversion to water or the shower were against men. These days…? Hmm. Ba nyabo, don’t take this equality thing too far now – take a shower, first thing after a long day of hustling.
Don’t come home and just fall in bed, or start preparing your family meals as parts of your anatomy are undergoing serious fermentation!
And gentlemen, don’t expect the best sex of your life when you insist on looking and smelling like a burst sewer half of the week. One wife shared that her youthful husband has days when he absolutely refuses to brush his teeth. Just for just.
And she is resigned to that.
“He will take a shower and dress up neatly. It is when you lean in for a kiss goodbye that you smell his morning breath. When he is in that mood, no amount of shaming him will make him turn back to brush his teeth. I have never understood that,” she said.
Well, some women say as the start of their menstrual period draws closer, they have an aversion to bathing. If you are sharing your bed with someone, just go take a shower and brush your teeth, already. Otherwise, you risk turning yourself from irresistible to reprehensible.
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