From the sidelines, I have listened to all allegations against Donald Trump that he gropes women.
I have had nothing to add to the many outraged voices. But quietly, I have marvelled at those who somehow tried to excuse his lewdness. Then Trump won that hard-to-predict election.
I chanced on a tweet by a Ugandan claiming that now that Trump is president, all those women who accused him of groping them will be at the White House, begging to be groped. His strongest argument for this opinion seemed to be the fact that many women voted for Trump. Many responses referred to him as stupid in more colourful terms.
I was too stunned to say anything. I vividly recalled a memory from over a decade ago. While I was walking home, a random man walked towards me, touched my crotch and walked away. To this day, I still feel the revulsion that made me yell so uncharacteristically.
I also still remember the laughter and catcalls of the men at the timber stores nearby. Through the unbidden tears, I could see their elation at the accomplishment of their comrade.
I was burning with anger and the frustration of not being able to do anything about it. The culprit was long gone and even if he were present, there was no punch I could throw to cause him an equal amount of agony.
I was painfully aware that any retort, any engagement would simply give him more opportunity to humiliate me or invite the bystanders to join in!
And then, I was ashamed. I felt like he had stripped me naked and exposed me right there on the street. While he walked away victorious, I numbly stumbled on home, barely feeling my legs, failing to hold back the tears that betrayed my powerlessness.
Feeling defiled, I headed straight for the bathroom and scrubbed harder and longer than usual. More than 10 years later, I still wish I could have punched him.
If I knew who that man was and today he became president or held some position to afford me favours, would I beg him to grope me? No. However, if he were threatening to thrash my entire clan, I would unwillingly close my eyes, grit my teeth, choke down the repugnance and let him grope his way.
Are there women who use their allure to draw in a man and use him for their gain? Yes, many. How they feel about those men and how they feel about themselves for doing that, I do not pretend to know.
What I know is the disgust and fear I feel every time a man I care nothing, even so much for, looks like he might want to touch me.
So, to ‘Twitter man’ and others like him, know that “women” is a collective of unique individuals. While one may let you or even invite you to grope her for whatever reasons, another may not. Do not lump us all into one eager-to-be-groped basket or belittle those who muster the courage to protest.