Is it possible that you have been in a 40-year marriage that seemed accepted and both families were happy with each other even when actually there was a contention?
That your sisters and brothers call your husband brother-in-law but when they don’t feel him?
All this tends to come out when someone dies and the two families fail to decide on where to bury the deceased. However, this issue of families fighting over a dead body is not strange. I have witnessed one and read about many in the press. I recall an incident over 15 years ago when a female neighbor of ours passed away in the city and had to be buried in the village. Her family and that of her husband did not live far apart; there was a T-junction that separated them.
As they were transporting her remains, the vehicle carrying the body and some personal effects got to that junction and turned to go to her family home. But the truck came to a sudden stop and the driver could not tell what was wrong because his car was in perfect condition before he set off for the journey…all the other vehicles had to stop too.
Members from both sides came out and continued with their arguments over who would bury the deceased; the woman’s family insisted that unless the man finished paying bride price, the late would not be buried at his ancestral grounds; after all she was not his wife officially.
This went on for a while until there was a resolution. The car engine was started and as soon as it faced her husband’s direction, the mechanical fault was no more and her remains were laid to rest at her marital home. The couple had two children together. Someone might call this superstition….but I would say this is ‘someone’ knowing what they want!
If a couple lived as such for years and none of them publicly ditched the other, where do relatives and friends get the right to separate the two when death occurs? Why should we always wait until death to lay claim to persons and/or property?
The late Dr Margaret Mungherera was an amazing person, admired and loved by many. She worked so hard, took on several causes for the sake of humanity and earned her place in society.
When someone like that is called home by God, you want them to go and rest in peace. Why are the living so selfish that they do not see this? If the dead could speak, there would be havoc in some of our homes. It was very unfortunate for people to start fighting over where to bury her.
Such incidents could also mean that whereas two people live together as husband and wife, one of them could have gone out and shared their deepest feelings with their people or someone. Maybe they even decided where they want to be buried when they die but the partner was not party to that decision.
When I am here seeing these actions as wrong, maybe, just maybe, the family and friends are struggling to fulfill the wishes of the deceased! Whichever the case, there is a lesson to learn from this.
We see stories in the press and reasons such as “they had no child together” are advanced. So what? They lived together for all those years and never separated on grounds that they didn’t bear children.
Some communities would tell you that bride price was not cleared. Where were they to get the last of the bride price when their daughter was still alive? By the way, there could be things the family knows that we do not and therein lies the problem. Did it have to end up this way; were there attempts to resolve them without bringing in the media or going to court?
A good number of women retain their maiden names even after getting married; but it’s always common knowledge that they are married, especially for a public figure. A case like Mungherera’s leaves you wondering: would things have been different had she been known by her husband’s name?
The same way we are encouraged to write a will before we die, please resolve all marital issues too. You do not want a case where your dead body spends days in the morgue because someone has gone to court.
In Kenya, a politician was buried after his body staying in the mortuary for over 100 days because of a burial dispute between his wife and his clansmen. Another man’s burial was delayed when a 17-year-old child sired out of wedlock went to court to block the burial until he had been included in the will.
Such disputes are becoming common and there are times where the deceased might have done due diligence but problems would still arise. Before we die, if possible, let’s clear all earthly debts to have a drama-free burial!
Dr Mungherera leaves a legacy that shall not be tainted even by this family drama. Her efforts and contribution to the health sector will be sorely missed. May she find eternal peace!
The author is a journalist in Kampala.