Until the state minister for veterans affairs, Lt Col Bright Rwamirama, appears in person before the Public Accounts committee of Parliament to show how his leg was “shortened,” MPs will never believe so.

The issue came up last Thursday, as gender ministry permanent secretary Pius Bigirimana led his team to account for money spent on workman’s compensation to 143 persons including Rwamirama.

Moreover, Rwamirama was the first among the 143 beneficiaries to get his Shs 79m in 2014. In his justification, assistant commissioner for labor Patrick Okello said: “The accident actually occurred in August 2007 and the pain was effective over seven years after the accident.”

But to the MPs, it was immoral for Rwamirama to get such special treatment ahead of impoverished Ugandans since as minister and MP [Isingiro North], he enjoys a health insurance cover.

“As we proceed, I read here that medical assessment for disability. That the minister’s leg was shortened,” Ntungamo municipality MP Gerald Karuhanga said, attracting more questions from committee chairperson Angelline Osegge: “Minister’s leg was shortened by nature?”

Other members were also asking, “Which leg was shortened? We have never seen him limping!”

This is a serious matter concerning a minister’s health. Yet the MPs could not stop laughing.

SSEKANDI HONOURS 2012 PLEDGE TO JINJA FARMER

There is a Luganda saying that things that delay can be forgotten. Not if you are the Muganda called Edward Kiwanuka Ssekandi, also Uganda’s vice president.

The man does not forget his promises. See, in June 2015, in these pages, we shared the story of a little-known farmer called John Lukwita of Mutai poultry and livestock farm in Jinja. Lukwita was frustrated that VP Ssekandi’s handlers had not reminded the big man about a promise he had made.

Ssekandi had visited Mutai in September 2012 and pledged Shs 2 million to help the farm expand. But after nearly three years of countless reminder-letters and taxi journeys to Kampala, there was no money. Lukwita must have thought the big man had forgotten.

Wrong. Lukwita was last week seen in Jinja walking with unprecedented swagger and singing the VP’s praises.

“He is a fair man,” Wolokoso overheard Lukwita tell friends.

Fair man? Why? Because on February 2, 2015, Lukwita got the Ssekandi promised made in 2012. Finally the farm expansion plans are back on. Good man, our VP! Good luck to Mutai farm.

‘KISANJA HAKUNA MUKONJO’ SLOGAN SHOCKS MINISTER

It appears  many Ugandans are now used to President Museveni’s slogan of kisanja hakuna mchezo (Term for no fooling around); but what is surprising is that imitations of the slogan are coming up with some dramatic effect.

A case in point is Kasese municipality MP Robert Centenary’s new slogan of kisanja hakuna mukonjo, meaning that this term no Mukonjo will be spared. However, this has left transport state minister Aggrey Bagiire shocked.

When Bagiire met the parliamentary committee on trade and industry the other day, Kampala Woman MP Nabilah Naggayi asked why Ente bbe airport continues to be the darkest in the region.

“Hon minister when travelling with tourists and you land at our airport, you start feeling small like you should explain to them that there is load shedding. You know we leaders carry the image and it’s embarrassing that the other airports had light and you are now in total darkness in your country, is this kisanja hakuna mchezo?” Naggayi wondered.

But, as members were still analyzing the statement, Centenary said: “no, it is kisanja hakuna mukonjo.” Centenary’s statement made Bagiire look left and right, down and up as if in shock only to be relieved after committee chairman Kenneth Lubogo said: “Hon, you know when you say kisanja hakuna mukonjo when we are here [committee] we take it seriously? Is it true?”

It was then Centenary said: “Oh I was just joking.”

Wolokoso believes Centenary was thinking about events of November 27, 2016…

TALK OF FEARING NAKED HERDSMEN

On January 10 when parliament resumed after the festive season, Otuke Woman MP Sylvia Akello complained that Karimojong herdsmen had invaded her district, displacing locals, destroying crops, ‘using everywhere for long calls’… (the list was endless).

Akello said the Karimojong, who entered Lango in search of water and pasture for their animals were intolerable, and prayed that government quickly removes them.

Promptly, speaker Rebecca Kadaga ordered the minister of Karamoja affairs to act it. And last Thursday, state minister for Karamoja affairs Moses Kizige made a statement, telling parliament: “It’s true the local community is in fear and trauma of the presence of the herdsmen. I wish to express our sympathy and concern for the affected people and reassure them that government is addressing the matter to have a systematic and orderly movement of the herdsmen. Karimojong depend on pastoralism for their livelihood,” Kizige said.

Akello was livid: “Our children are not going to school because they fear people who walk naked, defecate everywhere and everyone is scared of cholera. Do you want us to continue living with those rapists? The wananchi will take law in their hands.”

For her outspokenness, Akello attracted a loud cheer from the MPs.

PRESIDENTIAL HANDSHAKE A BLESSING TO URA STAFF

When news broke that Shs 6 billion was paid to 42 government officers for winning an oil tax arbitration case in London, angry critics branded the ‘presidential handshake’ unfair.

But Rodney Golooba, a supervisor in the litigation division at URA, saw it as a blessing. As URA officials met the parliamentary committee probing the bonus payout, Golooba said he was part of the legal team of the then commissioner general, Allen Kagina.

“Did I deserve it? Certainly not, but having been part of her [Kagina’s] legal team, I tapped into the blessing. Is it right or legal? I can’t answer but it is a blessing I partook of,” he proudly shared.

MPs were seen shaking their heads in wonder, probably wishing that they could be part of the “blessed team”.

Wolokoso was probably wishing with them.

KATUNTU ORDERS NRM MPS NOT TO FIGHT

Last Tuesday’s chaotic NRM elections for candidates to the East African Legislative Assembly were the talk of town.

For the uninitiated, the elections took place – or failed to take place – in State House Entebbe, where NRM MPs nearly beat up their elections chief Tanga Odoi.  In the end, the exercise was abandoned and the ruling party suffered the indignity of having to vote again after failing to organize an election for 260 voters.

At parliament on Wednesday, chairperson Abdu Katuntu was happy to see NRM members of his committee on Commissions, Statutory Authorities and State Enterprises (Cosase) in sessions investigating the infamous ‘presidential handshake’ before travelling to Entebbe to vote again.  Katuntu warned all his committee members to behave once they arrived in Entebbe.

“I hereby direct that the members of Cosase do not fight at State House,” Katuntu said, evoking bouts of laughter from MPs and URA officials who had appeared before the committee.

Now that is a leader who has the safety of his members at heart.