It is almost a common understanding that whenever the president hosts MPs, religious, cultural and other leaders in the country, he offers a  ‘thank you for coming’ or a ‘leaving allowance’  or a ‘transport refund’ to each of his visitors.

Okay, in current speak of presidential handshakes, we can even call it a ‘presidential envelope’ Why is Wolokoso saying this? Well, on December 29, Kasese Municipality MP Robert Centenary addressed a press conference at about 1pm.

He reported that Kasese MPs had met Museveni and told him there would be no talks about peace in Kasese until the Omusinga was freed. At the end of his address, Honourable Centenary was asked if the Kasese team had also rejected the presidential handshake.

“Honourable, you said you rejected the president’s proposal to have dialogue without the Omusinga. How about the tooke [envelope]? Did you take it or not?” one journalist asked Centenary.

Although he indicated that he was not getting what the journalist meant by taking or not taking the tooke, another of the scribes offered to explain what the colleague exactly meant and it was then that the MP laughed: “Hi-hi-hi-hiiii….., we did not go for matooke. We get enough matooke as MPs to do our work. We did not go for tooke, we are paid enough money and that is why we asked the president to make the meeting open to the media and some of you were there. I have seen some pictures in the media.”

However, journalists were not convinced and replied that pictures of those receiving tooke are not usually captured.

When scribes got their revenge on Ssewanyana

Parliamentary journalists can be a funny lot that can nurse a grudge until it develops a life of its own. Sometime back, a few scribes wanted Makindye West MP Allan Ssewanyana to comment on something and they set up their recorders and cameras.

But, perhaps because he was rushing somewhere, the MP did not even offer an excuse. He just zoomed past them like they did not exist. This annoyed the journalists so much that they went around telling almost all other colleagues about how Ssewanyana had humiliated them.   It now appears that on that note, a ‘decision’ was taken to look for an opportunity to ‘show’ Ssewanyana.

Their opportunity came on December 28 in the committee on Public Service and Local Government. Journalists had sufficient time to interview and record the acting Democratic Party secretary general Gerald Siranda and other officials about  the forthcoming LC-1 elections.

But when Ssewanyana wanted to say something against voting by lining up, the journalists immediately walked away with their cameras and recorders.

Feeling small, one radio journalists announced: “Members, Honourable Ssewanyana is here to talk to us; hurry with your cameras and recorders.”
Nothing. The journalists just stood aside with their gadgets and played spectators as the MP spoke and his voice was only taken by one scribe.

After the show, one scribe said to him: “gwe olina obudde bwoyo, gwetomanyi nti yatwematirirako netwewera okumulagako? Anti tubadde tumulagako addemu kumpisa. Kino kisanja hakuna mchezo, loosely meaning: “You are the only one with time for that one. Don’t you know that he ignored us when we wanted him sometime back, and we resolved to teach him a lesson until he styles up? This is a term for no fooling around.”

Come on guys! What happened to ‘forgive and forget’?

What happened to the talkative MPs?

Members of Parliament can be funny. Do you know that when The Observer ran a story detailing MPs’ performance in the last six months, they started discussing how each performed and instead of debating their own performance, they resorted to debating their colleagues’ performance as if it were term reports?

About six MPs  last Thursday converged in the parking lot on the southern wing and wondered why colleagues who had been so talkative during induction workshops just can’t speak on the floor of the House.

“Do you know I was surprised not to see people like this man from Budadiri East [Vincent Woboya], Kibalya [Henry Morris- Bugabula South] and this man from Kassanda North [Patrick Nsamba Oshabe] in the lead? Remember.. , when we had just come, you could not miss hearing the name of Woboya, Kibalya, Nambeshe and Patrick Nsamba?” one NRM MP from western Uganda said.

“Oh, indeed, you have reminded me about those guys,” another MP replied. “During induction those guys were competing for the microphone. They could talk, talk, talk all the time but how they stopped, no one can tell.”

At this point, one MP from Busoga divined an explanation. He said some MPs are battling election petitions and this could have affected their performance in the ‘Parliament class’

He said: “You need not to labour much on how some of them disappeared. When court started hearing petitions, someone talked of Woboya, indeed Woboya was so talkative but the petition silenced him too much. Do you know that he is a member of my committee but I can tell you that man rarely says something yet he used to be like he knew everything? I think the petition is treating him badly. By the way, his case is difficult… he needs real prayers bambi.”

EC men stuck on Hon Watongola

Kamuli Municipality MP Rehema Watongola is active in committee work but all too often, colleagues and witnesses fail to understand her. She has that enthusiastic voice that sometimes outpaces even the sharpest of brains.

Last week, during a meeting of the Public Service and Local Government committee, Watongola asked several questions but the government officials meant to answer them were all the time consulting neighbours about what exactly she had said.

Realizing the challenge, committee chairperson Raphael Magyezi (Igara West) intervened, saying: “Honourable member, at this time we cannot say that we set the date of elections when we have not presented the amendments to the House.” 

(Watongola had actually asked if the date of elections would be agreed on at that meeting since junior finance minister David Bahati had assured them that all the money needed for the elections of LC-1 was going to be availed).

When the meeting was adjourned, one official from Electoral Commission was heard telling a colleague: “Do you know that I was not getting anything that Muslim MP said each time she spoke?”

His colleague couldn’t agree more: “That is exactly what I was going to tell you…”

On realising a journalist had overheard what they were saying, the EC officials burst into laughter.