The only difference, hers was no church aisle; their vows were exchanged at the Uganda Registration Services Bureau (URSB) offices in leafy Kololo.
Florence is the coordinator for Communications and Partnerships at Alliance Française de Kampala. The Kuhns later hosted their guests at Kardamom & Koffee – a coffee shop in Kololo. The Kuhns are part of a growing number of young people that have ditched conventional weddings for a slimmer, civil wedding.
Uganda is not new to civil weddings; it is just that there have always been stereotypes questioning the longevity of marriages not conducted in a church or mosque. But quite to the contrary, while increasingly many church/mosque marriages have fallen apart, sometimes within months of the lavish wedding, many couples that made their oaths before a government registrar have stood the test of time.
So, the stereotype is unfounded. In 2003, musician Moses Ssali alias Bebe Cool exchanged vows with Zuena Kirema and against all odds, the couple is still together. In December 2013, Joel Isabirye and Rebecca Jjingo exchanged vows in a civil wedding, before going to St Paul’s cathedral Namirembe for a prayer of blessing.
Unfortunately, the marriage did not live to see its fifth anniversary. In the just concluded financial year 2022/23, URSB reported 2,098 civil marriages around Kampala and another 370 civil marriages from other districts.
Interviewed by The Observer, Vincent Katutsi, the director of Civil Registration at the URSB, attributed the rise in civil marriages to the increased awareness of the community.
STATE, NOT CHURCH, FUNCTION
He said that since marriage is a function of the state, it is okay to come to the registrar of marriages for it to be celebrated.
“We have seen people coming, saying ‘let me have it where I know it is going to end’. Churches handle the function of marriage on behalf of the state,” he said.
Katutsi said the affordability of civil weddings had encouraged more young people to interest themselves in the arrangement.
“Civil marriages cost Shs 200,000 at URSB. All we need are eligibility documents to prove that you are of age to get married, affidavits and the wedding will be set. This brings the entire cost to Shs 260,000. There’s no need for a choir or the rest. It costs foreigners with valid documentation $200 to get married at URSB.” Katutsi added that the rise of globalization and destination weddings, has increased the preference for civil marriages.
“In most cases, couples choose to get married from URSB because it comes with instant registration and certification. Our documents are highly trusted. It saves the couples time coming back to us to certify their marriages.”
However, Katutsi said they were considering starting counselling sessions for all couples before the marriages take place.
“Now that the numbers have grown, we are going to think about engaging a marriage counsellor to share a word or two with our couples. We are seeing young people getting married. The question might be whether we are marrying young people or are creating a foundation for the symbol of the family to last.”
Speaking to The Observer, a visibly excited Florence Kuhn said a civil wedding had always been her dream type of wedding.
“Even when I hail from a staunch Catholic family, I didn’t see myself getting married in a church. I don’t like the grandiosity that surrounds Ugandan weddings. I thank God I had a like-minded partner. During our courtship, we agreed to organise [a civil wedding],” she said.
She said that even when some relatives raised concerns about the need for a church wedding, the couple had set their minds on a civil wedding.
“People spend so much money and time in wedding meetings. I wanted an intimate ceremony where I am surrounded by my immediate friends and family. I didn’t do a traditional wedding because my guardian appreciated the type of wedding I had wished to have. My guardian didn’t care about the bride price.”
A religious wedding normally requires the parents’ consent, often given in form of a letter after a traditional ceremony such as kwanjula in Buganda, or kuhingira in Ankole, where bride price is a must. But again, it is those ceremonies that have lately become unnecessarily expensive and prohibitive to young people wishing to marry; the result: bypassing them through a civil marriage that only requires two consenting adults.
After exchanging vows at URSB, the Kuhns had two wedding receptions divided between close relatives and friends.
“Our first wedding reception was held at Onomo hotel in Kampala. It was a lunch that attracted 25 people, most of whom were our immediate family members. Thereafter, we hosted another reception of 70 people at Kardamom and Koffee in Kololo.”
The civil wedding gave her the freedom to go ahead with her everyday life.
“Organizing a civil wedding is convenient. I took leave from work two days before the wedding, because I knew what I wanted. I didn’t have to pause my life to plan this big day,” she said.
Father Joseph Mukiibi, the director of Social Communications and Public Relations of Kampala archdiocese, said although marriage is both a legal and spiritual commitment, the Church embraces the spiritual dimension.
“The church wedding has a sacramental nature that binds us. There is an expression of love in the sacrament of holy matrimony.”
Mukiibi said several people prefer civil weddings lately due to the increased awareness about their existence and legality. He agreed that the affordability of civil weddings could be motivating young people to opt for them.
“But church weddings are also cheap. The rates of the church are relative from one church to another… Sometimes the priest might choose to excuse the couple from paying these charges when they are financially unstable. The church recognizes that marriage is beyond finances.”
Well, beyond the church fees, the other requirements such as parental consent, mandatory counselling, HIV/Aids tests for some denominations, proof of having received prior sacraments, among a litany of other things, could be driving younger couples straight to the registrar’s office.
Mukiibi said several youths also opt for civil weddings because they are afraid of commitment and devotion. There’s a high possibility of divorce in civil marriages. [While] you can go to the registrar of marriages and they terminate your marriage contract, marriage in the Roman Catholic Church is a lifetime commitment with a divine orientation.
It is a permanent union in the church and the church doesn’t approve of divorce. We derive the celebration and reverence of marriage from the Holy Scriptures (Genesis 2:24, Mark 10:9), the teaching of the church and the example of the holy family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph.”
He added that the exodus of young people into civil weddings was because very few were aware of what entails a church wedding.
“The church stretches to each detail of a person. We track every piece of evidence of the authenticity, identity and communion in the church. To qualify for a church wedding, one should be a baptized Catholic and have received all the sacraments of Christian initiation. We then celebrate the matrimony,” Mukiibi said.
Mukiibi confirmed that the Church requires a letter of approval from both parents of the groom and the bride, because the parents are the earthly representatives of God.
“Although marriage is made up of two consenting adults, letters from the parents are very crucial because they cared for this man/ woman that now wishes to get married.”
Lately, a Ugandan wedding costs hundreds of millions of shillings to organize, as couples compete to have the more lavish nuptials.
Even in Buganda, where traditionally it is a taboo to bring live animals to a kwanjula (unless the bride has children outside wedlock, in which case the offending groom pays penance with a goat – that, and the ceremonial rooster for the muko), cows, goats, entire chicken coops are not a surprising sight at a modern kwanjula.
Plus, the groom is now made to buy vehicles, furniture, water tanks, etc, as bride price, which all make the buildup to a religious wedding such a bankrupting process. Now even the kwanjula is preceded by a questionably lavish kukyala (preparatory visit) that has been turned into another circus.
Faced with such insurmountable odds, well-intending couples head to URSB instead.
“People do not have to be luxurious with their weddings. They should recognize that a wedding takes place once, yet marriage is for a lifetime. I encourage people not to engage in expensive weddings. We have seen those who engage in expensive weddings and separate after! Marriage is a union between man and God. There’s nothing such as financial implication,” Mukiibi said.
DIFFERENT RELIGIONS
Additionally, faced with mixed religious backgrounds, couples now skip the hullabaloo of who will convert for whom, and get married at the URSB office. Mukiibi said the Catholic Church embraces mixed marriages between Catholics and other Christians that believe in marriage as a sacrament (Anglicans and Orthodox).
The Church also permits marriages between Catholics and people of other faiths, which is known as the disparity of cult; however, these marriages are celebrated with special permission from the bishop. Lawyer Micheal Aboneka said it is time religion is separated from the state, like it is in Rwanda.
“The church can wed couples but can’t divorce them. Any couples that wish to divorce have to go back to the state. The state should then take on the entire responsibility. Churches and other institutions must know that they are wedding couples on behalf of the state; so, they ought to do what the state would normally do,” he said.
Aboneka added that people are running away from religious weddings due to unreasonable terms, which he believes are unconstitutional.
“The demand for many things and processes has complicated issues. Why do you ask a 40-year-old woman to bring a letter of consent from her parents [who may not even be alive]? Civil weddings are way easier and cheaper. It is foolhardy to call oppression a way of life or requirements. Churches and other places should make it easier for couples to wed since the stringent demands are instead promoting cohabiting.”
Indeed, many couples opt to move in together as they wait until they can afford a wedding, but, for some, this wait turns to decades, and then the wedding simply never happens!
BUGANDA INFLUENCE
While speaking before the Buganda parliament in March 2021, Katikkiro Charles Peter Mayiga, said luxurious weddings and introduction ceremonies were scaring young people away from marriage.
According to Mayiga, for a successful Buganda kwanjula, the groom is expected to bring a hoe, two fruit seedlings to be planted in the compound of the bride’s parents, two official portraits of the Kabaka and Nnaabagereka of Buganda, and a map of the kingdom. Additionally, the groom’s family must carry three calabashes of local brew.
The first calabash known as ekiggula luggi is to ensure that the groom’s entourage is welcomed into the home; the second one is ekita eky’enjogeza, which initiates conversations for negotiations; the third is ekita ekiwasa omukazi – the one that eases the bride into her marriage. Most important of all, is the bride price (omutwalo), which traditionally used to be a simple requirement stated by the bride’s father – say, a Bible, Qur’an, a painting of the family totem, etc.
Mayiga said the groom is also required to buy two Buganda Kingdom certificates; one for the groom, the other to be presented to the father of the bride on kwanjula day.
Everything else, such as ekisambi (beef shank) vegetables, spices and clothes for the bride and her parents to wear to her wedding ceremony, were add-ons that have since been blown out of proportion to include multiple sacks of grain, beer, soda, cattle, cars, furniture, etc.
So ridiculous have the kwanjula ceremonies become that some grooms now hire cars, cattle and other things to show off to friends and family, before the owners pick their merchandise after the ceremony.
This diluted Buganda kwanjula has also been exported to many other regions around the country, replacing many traditional wedding ceremonies with similar pomp, bizarre dancing and fanfare.
And now to parents’ chagrin, young people are saying enough is enough; they wake up, go to the registrar to marry them, then break the news to a few friends and family during a small reception, before starting their perfectly legal marriage journey.
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