Like most parents, you want to protect your child from the lies, offensive rumours, abusive language, and sexual harassment online.
But what if your child is the bully? Cyberbullies are difficult to identify because most parents don’t occupy the same online spaces as their children. Children with a history of bullying (both as victims and perpetrators) will not encourage you to pay more attention to their online activities.
The same goes for kids who have a habit of closing tabs and programs as soon as you enter the room, or becoming irrationally angry whenever you access their phones and computers in their absence. Clearly, they have something to hide.
Children with multiple online accounts are especially suspicious. However, the average cyberbully will go largely unnoticed until someone brings their activities to your attention. What then? Some parents dismiss reports of cyberbullying because the concept seems harmless.
They don’t understand why experts raise so many alarms about what feels like innocuous jokes. After all, if another child is losing sleep over your child’s online comments, they can just remove themselves from that particular platform. But that attitude is shortsighted. Here is why you should care.
One, cyberbullying can easily evolve into traditional/physical bullying. Two, some studies have found that up to 60 percent of bullies commit at least one crime by age 24. Three, bullies are always fighting, and up to 46 percent eventually incur injuries because of those physical confrontations.
Four, not only do bullies perform poorly in school, they also have trouble maintaining platonic and romantic relationships. We have not even mentioned the disastrous retaliations that can emerge from their victims.
Many of the school shootings you hear about in the USA are perpetrated by victims of bullying. One assumes that any parent who does not care about their child’s bullying behaviour is equally vicious.
Even if cyberbullying sounds like a trivial matter, you should take action to protect your child from the consequences mentioned above. The solutions include restricting your child’s internet access and taking other privileges away (toys, time with friends, extracurricular activities) until your child wins them back by meeting your set parameters (showing they can play nice with others online, confirming with their teachers that no new complaints have been raised against the child, etc).
You can install software on your child’s devices that monitors their communication with others and flags questionable phrases. This helps if your child relies on the internet to complete school projects, and restricting their access in that area is not an option.
Naturally, restitution is vital. Apologizing to the victim is not enough. Your child should delete all the malicious content they published about their target from the relevant platforms.
They should also post their apology online, along with letting their audience on the internet know that all the lies and rumours they uttered are false. However, you should only apply these solutions and more after talking to your child and finding out why they did what they did.
Some children don’t realize that their actions are a form of cyberbullying. In those scenarios, tell them to write an essay explaining why their actions are wrong. This will force them to research the topic and to internalize what they find.
Some children cyberbully in retaliation. In other words, their victim is not actually a victim. This is why open and calm communication is so important. Was your child trying to fit in with the wrong crowd?
Are they looking for attention (from you or their peers)? Are they struggling with self-esteem issues? Are they lashing out because they experienced a traumatic event (such as sexual assault)? You won’t know until you ask. Don’t assume your child is a bad seed simply because you heard scandalous stories about them.