Now, if looks could actually kill, I would be a dead woman by now. Then they burst into laughter before one quipped: “I will find a husband who does not care for those things!”
I tried to put on my sternest face and get into the lecture of how good Baganda girls ought to jazz up their look ‘down there’, but the tables quickly turned on me as they quizzed me on medical evidence for the claims I was making, and even asked me to produce evidence of couples who would testify that “those things” are what ‘divorce-proof’ a marriage.
Ahh! Children of these days. What happened to just doing?
I dropped the subject; clearly, with every generation, some ships sail farther and farther. I don’t know what happens at the Nabagereka’s Kisaakaate (a holiday camp for young Ugandans, which focuses on Kiganda grooming), but I doubt ‘pulling’ is on the syllabus.
I remember growing up, it was such a hot topic for young girls, and it was not uncommon finding teenage girls innocently ‘comparing notes’ in private.
It was not a subject everyone broached; in my case, a great aunt renowned for her bluntness visited the home and summoned me to ask whether I had done the needful.
At my deer-in-lights expression, she went on to graphically explain what I had to do, when, how, and threatened to check for progress the next time she visited. Well, the next time she visited, I wore a militant, rebellious teenager expression, she dared not bring up the subject again, I guess. To this day, I see the questions on her face as to whether her lecture yielded any inches or not. Hmmm…
My cousin did not have that much choice. At the boarding primary school she attended, the ‘maazadomu’ as they called their dormitory mother, would mandatorily line them up every evening after shower hour, and personally elongate their labia minora until she was satisfied with the length.
Huh, try that today Maazadomu, and you will get a lawsuit for sexual harassment so hefty you will pass out. I know that many adult – even married – women are seeking out commercial ssengas to do the needful at a fee, as they try to troubleshoot flailing marriages with everything doable.
But I was wondering whether any parents and/or paternal aunts actually still talk to young girls about things such as ‘pulling’, intimate grooming, waist beads, etc, especially considering that many of those would-be ssengas are also in desperate need of lessons of their own.
After my teenagers laughed me out of the room, I figured, maybe it is best to mention it, nonetheless, and leave the final decision to them. Better for them to have heard about it and ignored, than find themselves in a very traditional marriage where a husband is talking about things that sound Japanese.
When I asked other parents what their approach is, the consensus seemed to be: “They will have to figure things out on their own”.
One once said: “Hmm, when my daughter got her first menstruation period, I was so tongue-tied that I just put her in the car and drove her to my mother’s house. She is the one who gave her ‘the talk’.” So, how could she ever bring herself to talk about ‘pulling’?
Well, your culture may not even believe in many of those grooming ‘extras’, but at least every culture believes in good sex, even from beneath the sand where their heads are buried.
The easiest way to talk to children about sex is to start early, so that they don’t fear to come to you in future with questions on the subject.
For every stage in a child’s life, there is a way you can talk about sex without corrupting their innocent minds. When time comes for the ‘hard stuff’, it will be much easier as long as there is already parent-child rapport.
carol@observer.ug