I have been going through a month of repentance for unforgiveness, and as I prayed, I realized the same problem has plagued generations of my family.

People literally died without forgiving relatives who had wronged them; grandparents barred some children from burying them due to unresolved disputes, etc. I used to take this lightly, until one minister of God called out of the blue to explain the spiritual consequences and bondages of unforgiveness.

I knew God was speaking to me. I decided to experiment, using a challenge I was suffering through. I went into a forgiveness and repentance spree. I kid you not, the challenge was lifted that very month, after so many years of praying, seeking deliverance and crying to God.

Details for another day. Force yourself to forgive. Ask God for grace to forgive those who have wronged you, no matter how bad the case was. Go a step further and intercede for family members past and present.

After that revelation, nothing triggers me more than someone talking over and over about their past hurts. That is the biggest sign that you have not forgiven. If every few days or weeks you remember how someone caused you pain or disappointed you and talk about it, you have not yet forgiven.

And when I hear that ruminated lamentation, a siren goes off in my spirit; I feel like running away from that space. Like Joyce Meyer said, unforgiveness is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

That poison kills you slowly and cripples many things in your life. Now, forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do; so, I don’t judge anyone struggling with it. I once counselled someone, begging her to forgive her paternal aunt, and she snapped back: “Never! If that is the sin that takes me to hell, then so be it!”

Eh! And the funny thing about the people we strive to forgive is, just as you are cresting that hill of unforgiveness, finally, the person you are trying to forgive can do something worse and plunge you right back in the resentment and bitterness abyss.

I guess it is God testing if we are truly delivered from unforgiveness. Cry through the process. Rant and rave. But forgive. You don’t have to forget, but forgive and move on.