Even the biggest womanizer of them all will stand on his head and foam at the mouth should he discover that someone trespassed in his garden. A polygamous man will spend weeks without visiting wife number three, and then totally lose it should he turn up and discover that she let another man pull the weeds and dust the cobwebs while her husband was away dusting and weeding elsewhere.
Crazy, when you think of it. I am not advocating anything here; just thinking aloud. Discussing with my colleagues in office, the men seemed to concur that it is purely an ego trip.
“For us, sex with a woman is a conquest. The idea that another man came and conquered in your already conquered territory is unbearable; it is not just sex, come on!” one of them said. “You cannot stop thinking about what he possibly did better than you, that swayed your wife.”
I tried to reason with them that wives feel exactly the same way when their husbands allow unaccredited workers in their gardens, but my reasoning fell on deaf ears.
Truth is, a woman that truly enjoys making love with her husband and knows the beauty and ecstasy of seeing those fabled pink elephants, is also very territorial and will not want to share. However, customs and generations of being conditioned the ‘African way’ way will force her to ‘suck it up’ and continue in the marriage like nothing happened. But it does hurt; make no mistake.
Another husband said he has been cautioned by men older and wiser than him, never to tolerate a cheating wife, because it will not be a one-off. His/their argument is that while extramarital sex may be ‘meaningless’ to a man, it is a well-thought-out, emotional experience for women and is rarely a one-off mistake.
That, her body will want whom it wants and she will keep sleeping with that person on the side, whether she is married or not. These men argue that it is why some men are married with several children, yet none of them are theirs, biologically.
It is a tough one, I agree, but I’m also convinced that it is high time we agreed that women are only human and are, therefore, prone to mistakes just like their spouses. I don’t know what you were told about women, growing up, but I hate to burst your bubble: they are just human beings. That is why an abusive wife is just as traumatizing and emotionally crippling as an abusive husband.
Similarly, the unbearable pain the average man feels just imagining his wife entertaining another man’s pink elephants, should be enough sensitization about a woman’s feelings too regarding how many women out there know her husband for his bedroom antics.
That pain you feel when the DNA results return an unfavourable result? Not much different from how she feels when she discovers all the other women pregnant for you behind her back. My colleagues disagreed vehemently.
“It is different for men. Imagine ever walking again in public when everyone knows your wife cheated on you!” one of them said.
Well, many wives bravely hold their heads high daily, with similar knowledge. On repeat. I once attended a wedding where the bride had no clue the man she was marrying had slept with her maid of honour and four of her five bridesmaids during their long courtship. Half the guests seemed to know…
She found out later and confessed she felt so stupid and ashamed, walking in public. Their marriage? Story for another day. Point is, women have mastered the art of forgiveness and stomaching the shame occasioned by their darling husbands. They could offer lessons.
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