I wonder what the world would be like if women were half as proud of their vaginas as men are of their penises.
The way men brag about size, abilities, longevity, etc, and are not afraid to whip their genitalia out in public spaces to pee and more… Yet women live for the secrecy of our own genitals!
Could therein lie all the libido and orgasm struggles many women face? I once saw a man along the now-tarmac Kabuusu–Lweza road, standing outside his gate in just boxer shorts and nothing else save for the toothbrush wedged between his teeth, leaving very little to imagination as motorists drove by.
I remember thinking, “this is truly a gift that God gave men: body confidence.”
How that man stood there with his exceptionally big potbelly and outlines of his manhood clinging to the tiny shorts, needed a study. While travelling through Karamoja in the early noughties, I will never forget the press van going through Kotido town and several Karimojong men were squatting unbothered, on shop verandas on those tiny stools of theirs, their not-so-private parts dangling for scandalized travelers to see.
Even a Karimojong woman may display her breasts, but her vagina is always safely tucked away under skirts. Is that how men have managed to conquer their sexual freedoms – because male external bodies have nothing hidden away?
Everywhere they turn, they are able to see themselves fully. Everywhere we also turn, there is a man exposing himself either by way of unzipping to pee against a wall – very infuriating habit, sirs; stop it! – or wearing quite revealing/tight pants that spell out things for quietly dismayed women.
On the contrary, the female sexual organ remains a mystery even to the average woman that has walked around with one since birth.
Eve Ensler in her book The Vagina Monologues (the play by the same title was blocked in Uganda by the Ethics and Integrity ministry) asked several women to describe their vaginas and many sounded like they were talking about dark, dump, haunted attics with broken furniture… It was actually sad to read.
After reading her book, I tried the same experiment on a few work colleagues and my findings were not different.
None of the women I talked to had ever ‘checked themselves out’ in a mirror and one described her genitalia in such disgusting terms I now hate to print here.
You would be forgiven for thinking she was talking about the Kiteezi landfill! So, how do you expect to have meaningful sex or even enjoy lovemaking in your marriage when you secretly harbour such disdain for your own body?
How do you effectively market a product you don’t like or even believe in? How do you allow your spouse to pleasure you and take liberties with a body you silently loathe and feel trapped in?
In retrospect, when I think of the women I have talked to in the past for this column, the ones who talked about the sex in their marriages in glowing, healthy terms, are also women who seemed very comfortable in their skins, going by how they were dressed, sat or carried themselves.
The ones who moaned about the hassle and chore of marital sex, were also memorably uptight and generally curious why there was all this fuss and obsession about women’s bodies and sex. So, there!
If you are not happy about the state of sex affairs in your marriage, examine how you feel about your ‘tools of trade’ and start there.
For example, can you proudly prance around your spouse like a peacock even when naked, or do you, several anniversaries on, still scurry around like a scared mouse? You have work to do.
caronakazibwe@gmail.com