It is not a body part this time, but rather that geographical place that never fails to lift your spirit when you are down; the one place that does not fail to calm your nerves when high-strung; the place where your spouse does not have to work hard or do cartwheels to get you on board the lovemaking wagon with them.
For some people, it is a special place in the home – yes, even a well-cared-for master bedroom. It can be a garden or an upcountry home.
For others, any road trip or air trip to an exotic destination switches them on effortlessly. So, why then have you given up on those places even when you can afford to go?
For me, it is any national park – be it in Uganda or not. If I am in good company, the better. When things get to a head, I like escaping the hustle and bustle of small, disorganized cities such as Kampala and heading to the ‘bush’.
It works like magic in all areas of your life and close friends and family marvel at how I change into a different person, once in that element. My cousin loves Kenya so much, we always failed to understand why; but the more I think about it, the more I am convinced it is her ‘oompf’ place.
When there she is a totally different person – we struggle to keep up with the ball of energy she transforms into.
At the border posts, she is known to hilariously start speaking Kiswahili to all and sundry and her step gains an extra spring. I was gob smacked the first time I watched the transformation. But we all have those spaces; the ones, which upon planning to visit them, threaten to rob you of sleep due to excitement.
Use them ‘selfishly’ for your marriage and sex life too. I have noticed, for example, it is hard to get my wires sparking, however annoying you may be, once I am in my special place.
Men too have it and those whose wives have discovered where it is at, take full advantage of it. I asked a few men where that stress-buster place is and I was surprised at how many of them answered “My farm” or “With my cows”.
I was also saddened but not surprised when I found out that for almost all of them, the farm or among the animals happened to be the last place their wives ever willingly went.
They never get to share with their husbands this element of their lives that brings out the best in them and could be a precursor to some very sexy, harmonious weeks ahead.
If you have been fighting most of the month for one reason or the other, get into that ‘oompf’ place with your spouse and reboot naturally. At the very least, you can even facilitate it.
Some wives just require a spa day and their horrible mood is sorted, but mister never bothers to invest in that place that would fix so much in the marriage.
Your husband possibly requires just a footballing evening out with the boys, but then you will turn the aftermath into a nightmare each time he returns home, instead of selfishly tapping into that good mood for the so many pending items on your marital agenda; who knows, two nights down the road he may come home looking sullen because his team lost.
A husband took his wife to her ‘oompf’ place in an attempt to lift her spirit six months after she lost her mother; she spent the entire two weeks there in extended mourning, and that destination will never be the same for them again.
So, don’t ruin the special place by taking work, quarrels, fights, and…wait for it…side dishes into it.
Because then, you will have to start looking for a new ‘oompf’ place, once the old one stops working for your spouse too and instead evokes bad memory upon horrible suspicion.
carol@observer.ug