The senga at the bridal shower reportedly advised the young woman to always fold the first piece of cloth and place it under her buttocks, to ensure she did not mess up the bed sheets.
The second neatly folded piece was to be placed next to the wife’s head for easy reach to recurrently dab sweat off her husband’s forehead during sex and clean his genitals the moment he was done.
The third piece was to lie in a bucket of lukewarm water at her bedside to complete the ‘after-party’. No wonder some wives would rather stay up late and iron the clothes, than make love with their husbands. Because then, he would have turned sex into such a chore.
We agreed it was also appalling that there are women who still believe it is not a woman’s place to enjoy sex with her husband. Because, that is what it means if a wife is to be so careful not to move her derriere off a folded piece cloth!
The soft, terry or linen cloth business has since evolved into being an act of love and pampering, as opposed to fulfilling a duty etched in stone, the way one would to a handicapped husband.
Our great grandmothers and grandmothers possibly came up with this because their choices were also limited when it came to baths and freshening up. The submission and sexy benefits from their actions must have been discovered as a by-the-way.
I am sure taking a shower in this day would have the same rejuvenating effect and where the shower is shared, even more intimacy. When the senga left the bridal shower early for another gig, my friend said she could not stay quiet.
She encouraged the bride-to-be to allow herself to enjoy her marriage and sex life within her own dynamics and others picked up as they went along. We were later joined by two more married women and the talk delved deeper into the science of these small clothes most Baganda wives swear by.
One of them, a Muganda with a Kenyan husband, said, “I went with a whole set of those white clothes when I was starting my marriage. The first day I used one and my husband yelped in pain and refused me to use them again. We have since resorted to hopping into the shower when we are good and ready.”
Our ancestral sengas possibly believed it was a wife’s place to pleasure her husband sexually, and not vice versa. It is like they came up with even more chores for the bedroom – after all, only a husband would be feeling drained and sleepy after the lovemaking. I wish I could place an eye-rolling emoji here…
No genuinely-sated wife can spring into action to offer bedside services without taking some minutes for herself to cuddle and recoup. Besides, what happened to spontaneity in places where the said pieces of cloth are not immediately accessible?
The other new arrival to the discussion, however, said she cleans her husband afterwards lovingly and not as a chore and her non-Muganda husband would probably be shocked if she ever stopped.
“Sometimes he does the cleaning to me. It depends. But we keep those bu-cloths nearby. It is not like I jump up immediately and start wiping him down… let’s just say, I don’t go back to sleep unless it is taken care of,” she said.
“You people are joking…once I even changed the bed sheets afterwards without him getting off the bed because he was already asleep. I did not feel harassed or exploited at all. It was just too hot and I felt we would sleep better in fresh sheets.”
There. Each to their own. Bottom line is, don’t try to follow some manual step by step. Do the best of ‘you’ and enjoy yourself while at it, because dynamics are different in each marriage.
If you try the bu-clothes and they don’t seem to bring more magic to the union or put any shine on your pink elephants, then find your own groove in the shower or other means.
carol@observer.ug