Few things on the social calendar are as agonizing as being invited to a bridal shower.
While I love the banter, catch-up and food, the latest obsession with dress codes and finding an appropriate gift work me up good.
Wearing all-white (do people know how difficult it is to find a pure white outfit on short notice?!) and finding the ultimate sexy gift that will put naughty ideas in the bride-to-be’s head can be hard work.
And that was my dilemma recently. How do I find a haa-aat gift for my girlfriend, without turning up with yet another set of hardly-there lingerie?
I asked my friend Google for ideas and was surprised when scented candles made the list. I always consider them more of air fresheners than sex mood setters…
But well, off I went to Aristoc’s gift shop and was met with so many varieties that I went scrambling back to Google for help. Apparently, rose, citrus and mint may not be your ready choices in a gift shop, but are the leaders in tickling the right senses.
Smell, science says, is the strongest of our five senses and thus its cardinal part in sexual attraction, arousal and intercourse. In fact, even pheromones and all the brouhaha surrounding their importance in attraction and desire, use the sense of smell to get their work done.
Yet people have no problem smelling really horrible. Their marital bedrooms smell even worse – dirty diapers, medicine cocktails and dirty linens.
Put in the work when it comes to how you and yours smell, if you still want activity between your sheets even after all these years together.
Choose a perfume that agrees with your natural pheromones and enhances them, as opposed to being a copycat that sprays something on that only makes your spouse sneeze and become a heap of allergies.
And invest in scented candles and oils for the bedroom. We love the obvious aromas such as lavender, potpourri, sandalwood… there is a reason why they are also preferred ones in air fresheners; they are strong enough to absorb bad odours but may not necessarily have an aphrodisiac effect.
Go for other, less-obvious scents such as chocolate, which a Daily Mail article says contains “the same pheromone found in roses, which triggers sensations of love, happiness and uplifted mood”.
As for mint, haven’t you been to a steam bath where someone thoughtfully left fresh mint leaves under the steam vent?
That session is always different from the others. Patrons think it is only unblocking their pores and helping their airways, but mint is also a proven mood booster in the sex department.
If your wife is always “not in the mood”, maybe you need to start making her a cup of mujaaja tea at bedtime and put the scent in as many sources as you can.
Some bedrooms are too practical and low on the seductive. It is high time you thought a little ‘selfishly’.
One wife leaves freshly roasted pumpkin seeds on the nightstand for her husband every day, not only because he loves them, but also because she heard they enhance men’s sexual performance.
If there is a musical album you know never fails to lift your spouse’s mood, play it softly through the woofers.
Adjust lighting and furniture in your bedroom to speak the language of sex and top it of with the right scents by using fresh flowers, scented candles and body sprays in intoxicating aromas such as cherry blossom.
The thing is, in many Ugandan marriages after a few years of making an effort, couples give up and resort to mechanical and practical bedrooms where bed sheets are rarely changed, furnishing is bland and where fiery moods are taken to explode away from the children’s prying eyes.
In fact, in some homes with amazing sitting rooms, compounds, kitchens, etc, you will be shocked to find master bedrooms stuck at various states of construction, as couples concentrate on keeping up appearances with guests at the expense of their private passion and intimacy.
Well, I was relieved when my friend loved the choice of candle scent for her bridal shower. I hope it burns a hole through her bed sheets in another context!
carol@observer.ug