Someone posted on Twitter: “I have not met a single person who is happily married.”
What is he even talking about! Maybe he should change the circles he keeps, because there are many couples that are truly happily married.
It is just that those who are terribly unhappy are also more likely to be airing their dirty linen in public.
A happy wife once told me: “There is so much unhappiness in some marriages that when I meet up with the girls and we are talking about marriage, I just keep quiet; how can I convince them that I am blissfully enjoying my marriage when everyone of them is b*tching about hers?”
So, yes, happily married folks will not be found in market squares male-bashing or female-punching. I also think they just don’t want to jinx a good thing by attracting vultures to it.
So, what we hear a lot are the unhappily married people telling it on the mountain. But how can you turn your bad thing into a good union? From some of those couples that are having the ride of their lives, here are tips:
WE’RE NEVER TOO OLD FOR ANYTHING
“Even our children know it, we are an affectionate couple; there is no day I want to hug or cuddle with my husband, and chicken out because the children are in the room, or the neighbours are watching,” Kirabo (not real name) told me.
Couples let their love for each other be replaced by love for others as they grow older, and that is a mistake, Kirabo said. As you grow a family, your spouse does not have to feel neglected because you now have children, who get all your attention, cuddles, pet names and kisses.
“My husband is my forever love, much as I love my parents, my children, my friends…they are all different kinds of love. But I know wives who discover this all-consuming love for a new baby, and completely neglect the first love that got them to that place. Or a husband falls in love with his job and neglects his wife.”
Do not allow yourself to outgrow your spouse. Don’t outgrow affectionate gestures. Don’t outgrow date night. Don’t outgrow hugs and kisses. Don’t outgrow playfulness.
Just know, there are a lot of unhappy couples out there; don’t let them project that unhappiness on you.
SEX IS NEVER OFF THE CARDS
Mirembe (not real name), believes that if a marriage allows the sex to die, then there is nothing left to fight for. That is why for her, however angry she may be with her husband, sex is not one of the weapons in her arsenal.
“I am glad my husband thinks like me. We may be in the middle of a cold war and are not speaking – even sleeping in separate rooms – but one of us will tiptoe to the other’s space if need arises, and we have a silent pact never to turn each other away. In fact, that is how we end up making up.”
Madam or sir, take lovemaking out of your drama, please. God gave marrieds the unique gift of sex; use it properly and it will be a balm to your marriage. Use it badly and it will become a poisonous dart to be avoided at all costs.
FLIRT, FLIRT, FLIRT
What happened to good old flirting with each other? Even when the end result is not necessarily sex there and then, normalize flirting with your spouse.
Tell her why you love her in that wrap dress and the different ways it can come in ‘handy’. Seductive and suggestive touches, looks, text messages, calls, etc, can make things fun and cozy in your marriage.
Many couples last flirted long before their wedding days. Now, even the sex happens by accident, routine or chance, because they no longer enjoy each other’s company in any form, language or position.
So, no; not all marriages are miserable. Just yours.
caronakazibwe@gmail.com
well,stated.