“Now you know where the hard work talked about in marriages lies!”

I said as we concluded our funny, yet enlightening conversation. We had been locked up in my friend’s bedroom, helping her organize her closet. I love those breaks, where we raid one another’s closets and walk off with things one of us may have in excess, that the others need.

Disclaimer: do this only with your blood sisters, or tried and tested best friends… it is an evil world out there. This particular closet had an overwhelming number of bedsheets, night dresses and towels – many of them new and unused, yet she keeps buying more.

They are stacked in suitcases, in shelves, everywhere. The married nyabo admitted she has an obsession for collecting linen: “I cannot see a beautiful pair of bedsheets and just look the other way.”

And that sparked the conversation, because the other two ladies I was raiding the closet with, were also married.

“Me? I can change bedsheets twice in one night,” one of them said.

“After we have made love, there is no way we are falling asleep in those sheets until morning. We get up and change to a fresh pair.” I asked; and what if all that crispiness and freshness inspires another round of lovemaking?

She replied: “I change the bedsheets again!” The other wife was in total agreement, that on sex nights, it is a beehive of activity in the master bedroom.

“I happen to be one of those very privileged women who have absolutely zero problems with making love to my husband. I love it. I live for it. I never get tired of it. I will do anything to ensure my marriage never goes silent in that regard!” she said, causing more laughter as we sent for more tea.

By the way, there are few effective stressbusters than hanging out with your girls like this.

Wife number two said, “I also keep a flask of warm water in the room, not for those other cleaning-after-sex rituals Baganda women do, but to later warm a soft towel to massage his temples – era for me, those barbershop women who play around with people’s husbands after a haircut cannot manage me if we started a competition!”

I asked again; all this is done in the middle of the night, right? Yeesss! They answered in unison.

“And again in the morning, should we decide on having a Morning Glory,” wife number two added.

“Now you know where the hard work talked about in marriages lies!” I joked again.

All three wives said they keep their bedsheets on for a maximum of two days – depending on the amount of activity they (the bedsheets) see – and nightdresses and towels are changed every day.

Moral of the story: buy a washing machine. In case you were wondering, all three have really decent and happy marriages.

Go figure… It made me remember another wife several years ago, who was in a circle of men loudly defending her commitment to changing bedsheets once in two weeks. Eh!

I remember glancing at her left hand by reflex, and lo, behold, there sat her wedding rings. To think that these sets of wives all exist in the same world! And how are you faring in that department?

Do you retire to threadbare, slippery-from-filth bedsheets, wearing the nightie you wore last night and spent the day in doing your chores, and still decry the lack of pink elephants prancing through your master bedroom?

Hmmm… If for nothing else, lady, do these things for yourself; you will find that your husband has no qualms getting his orgasm bedsheets or no bedsheets; often it is women that need to be in the right headspace to truly ‘get it on’, and sexy, clean, organized surroundings are very helpful in creating that.

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