It is the main reason why a woman in her single and available years of ‘hunting’ and ‘being hunted’, subconsciously invests in what she looks.
Yes, yes, she also goes the extra mile to look and feel good for herself; agreed, but the hunter-quarry laws influence our primping choices a lot. Similar to a male bird during mating season putting on one hell of a feathery show to attract a desirable female.
That is why I now ask, once that man catches you – or you catch him – who told you he stops being visual? Why are you reserving all the nasty underwear, shapeless clothes and bad hair days for the home space you share with your husband?
Do you reserve all the sexy undies for when you visit the doctor or when you travel ( just in case you are in an accident and strangers have to pull your disorganized body out of the wreckage? Yes! I’ve heard people give others this advice!)
Some wives even reserve the most beautiful linens for future hospitalization, so visitors leave with a lasting good impression. Are you that ridiculous wife who cares more about public opinion than her husband’s?
The one who will take so much time decorating the public spaces in her home, but the master bedroom looks like the help’s quarters? I am here to remind you that men are visual creatures in courtship, in marriage, at work, forever.
Drop the ball, and you will only have yourself to blame when all intimacy and sex exits your marriage because at home, you insist on always looking like the cow just chewed and spat you out; walking around with morning breath, uncombed hair and an unwashed body at 4pm.
I will always remember an interview years ago with the actress Sarah Kisawuzi, who said the secret to her long, happy marriage is that she wakes up every day and grooms herself like she is going to the office – even during the years when she was a stay-at-home mum.
So, that one lousy, tattered and often dirty kaftan you wear day-in, day-out the moment you enter the house? Burn it. Pull out some shorts and sexy skirts. Wear that bra. Let your hair, nails and smell be on point.
Yes, you can do it for your husband, because you are already doing it to impress your work colleagues and clients. Eye roll. Now, where men are visual creatures, women are not. We are more into our feelings and emotions. I will not tire of trying to answer that notorious question of ‘what do women want?’
A woman wants a man who loves her. Who really sees her. Who hears her. If he comes packaged in money and great sex, that’s the bonus. When wooing one, don’t try to impress her with random statements like “my containers are clearing at Mombasa”.
If she is not into you – regardless what you have heard about women – that will not score points. She may actually marry you for the potential comfort, but it can still end in tears, the moment the person who knows how to tug at her heartstrings the right way arrives.
Don’t marry a good woman and abandon her in a glittering mansion because your friends told you that is all women want… If it were just about money like many men think, some rich men would not be unknowingly raising children lovingly sired outside their ‘perfect’ marriage.
Of course, when a husband’s monetary and material generosity comes as a form of expressing appreciation and affection in the marriage, that is perfect; your wife never forgets how that made her feel and it can unlock her sexual and sensual side.
But throwing money at her as a substitute to communication, your physical and emotional presence?
You are playing with fire, sir. If only couples learnt to strike a balance between what men want and what women want, Marriageville would be a great place for everyone to stay.
caronakazibwe@gmail.com