A hajji friend I rarely ever discuss sex with, pleasantly surprised me with this week’s topic: “Have you ever written about the screws of marriage?” he asked.
He then proceeded to tell me what has worked for his marriage, and I could not agree more.
PRAYER
This was his first point, and I was pleasantly surprised. I expected his first point to be submission, or something similar, but he said it is very important to put God first – not just as a common figure of motivational speech, but practically. I agree.
I know couples that make it a point to pray together, more so, when they are going to make love. However heated things may get, they always pause to thank the Lord for the ‘meal’ they are about to share, and ask for His guidance.
And they swear by this prayer-backed marriage and sex life. When they are going to be apart for longer spells, they have normalized praying for self-control and barriers to temptation.
COMMUNICATION
He then mentioned communication, because according to him, many couples do not even have anything to talk about; they are like strangers even years into the marriage.
Cultivate communication in your marriage; talk about the sex, talk about the finances, talk about the hurts and joys.
It will save you unnecessary blowups. Some couples’ idea of talking is always confrontational or accusatorial; they don’t know how to just have a nice talk with each other, or enjoy each other’s company without involving a third party. Unsustainable.
ENDURANCE
My hajji friend believes, the reason why many younger marriages seem to dissolve within weeks of the wedding, is because no one taught them the old art of endurance and forgiveness.
“They listen to the wrong people, whose only advice is to leave, yet I have seen couples endure hardship in a marriage for even three years, but are now very happy together. What if one of them had given up just like that?!”
Seek counselling, if you have to; share with another couple that could understand your dilemma… but if you feel there is something worth saving there, stay and fight for your marriage. It is exhausting, but there are many testimonies.
DON’T COMPROMISE THE SEX
Hajji did not say this; I guess he is shy. But whatever you do, don’t kill off the sex just because you were angry, bitter or even bored.
One couple that lives by this principle has gone the distance, because however ugly things may get in their marriage, they have a silent agreement that the sex is never off the table.
And that is how they always fix their marriage – by gravitating towards each other for that unique bond only sex can provide.
“Even in the middle of our nastiest fights or cold wars – we may even sleep in separate bedrooms out of anger – but the doors are never locked! Hahahaaa…it can also be the most intense sex ever, by the way. And not in a bad way,” the wife shared. Anyway, one word from the wise…!
caronakazibwe@gmail.com