How are you doing?
I am very well. I am great, actually.
Did something change for you this year?
A lot did change. It has been a year of reinvention and a new start for me. I have had a chance to get better and understand myself a little more and to see life for what it is in terms of growth and improvement. Before 2021, I was in rehab.
How long were you in rehab?
I was there for nine months. I read a book where the author said something that resonated with me that a setback is a setup for a comeback. I kept thinking about it and it made sense; so, I started working on that.
At first, I was trying to come back like who I was before, but it just made me have a relapse. So, this time round, it is more about rediscovering what I can be, do and put on the table.
Was that your first time in rehab?
No actually, it was the second time. I went there again in July last year but I had been there like three months.
Even back when you started having the addiction issues, you didn’t seek help?
When I first got addicted, I didn’t know that even rehabs existed in Uganda. When I first used heroin and crack, I didn’t know what I was smoking, honestly. I guess I just loved the people who introduced me to the drugs.
How did you know that you were addicted?
We were going to Mukono where I had a performance and the people I was with said they wanted to pass by a certain joint so that they could smoke. They would smoke but I wouldn’t. I was the one driving so I parked; they went in and smoked while I waited for them in the car.
The next day they did the same thing but this time they delayed to come out so I went in and told them that we had to go. But while in there, they told me to also try smoking and I did but I felt nothing.
The next day we stopped by the same place and I went in with them and smoked a bit but still felt nothing. Third day… same thing. Early morning the next day, I woke up feeling so weak, my body ached, nose was running with tears just flowing from my eyes. I was shaking and sweating yet I was cold, felt so hungry yet I had no appetite.
I told the person I was staying with that I was sick but they told me that I just needed to smoke a little bit and I would be fine; so, we went and smoked and after like three puffs, I got better and my whole body went back to normal. But even the next morning I woke up feeling bad and had to smoke in order to feel better. That is how I knew that I was now addicted.
Did you try to get help?
That’s the trick. I could not talk to the people around me about it, because they would just tell me it was alright to do it. The other friends I had were media personalities. I could not sit down and tell a media person no matter how close I felt some were to me, that I am hooked on something I don’t understand.
My family is not here. Actually that is how I started caving in and just had to keep it to myself and the people who knew were the ones who introduced it to me.
With addictions, there are times you feel like you are at the lowest of the low. When was that for you?
I think the lowest of the low for me was the car headlight incident. Now, that was so low.
Do you remember it?
Yes, I do. When addicted, you are not totally dead. Of course a big chunk of you dies but you still know certain things and you can remember.
Like, how did you get there?
Can you believe I had the same question too? How did I get here? What happened? What is going on? Who am I? I just said, God I need your help. It felt so bad I hurt people. You know sometimes I would smoke while crying because I was in pain. But first I forgave myself, because acceptance is the first step to recovery.
So, I forgave myself and everybody else and then decided to start moving forward. Those who have forgiven me already, God bless you. Those who haven’t, you have to forgive me [Laughs].
You are a father. Did you have a relationship with your children when all this was happening?
Yeah, I kept trying.
What was the hardest thing for you after coming out of rehab?
[Takes a long pause and clears his throat] You know they say an idle mind is the devil’s workshop. So, when I got out, I got busy immediately. While I was in rehab, I kept thinking about what I was going to do when I got out because I didn’t want to go back to the old self.
I started breaking down my plans. I had quite big plans, which needed huge capital that I did not have; so, I broke them down to the point that the capital I needed was myself.
I even asked for extra three months, because I didn’t want to get out when I was not ready and relapse again. It is about you getting out when you are really ready.
Another thing that happens to people who are faced with addiction is that their voice can be affected. How is your voice?
It is fine. I take a lot of honey in tea, I always eat honey first thing in the morning and before I go to bed. I don’t do voice drills much; I probably will some time. But I think the best voice drill is singing itself. The moment you do that, it just keeps getting better.
Now that you are back and more focused, what is your plan?
I need to sing. I need to stay alive; I don’t have to die because something happened to me. What happened is gone and I am right here. I have started a foundation called Another Chance Foundation.
We go to primary and secondary schools, universities, hospitals, prisons, rehab centres and they call me to speak in seminars. I tell these people what I know and share my experience and story with them.
Where are you singing from now?
Sometimes I sing in church. But I sing from my home all the time. I could play the guitar before, but I have also taken up the piano now.
Are you working on some new material?
Of course, I cannot tell you much about it because it is in studio but soon my manager will be unveiling my new work and people will get to know about it. I wrote a song called Twisted and it is a story about how I felt and I think that is how an addict feels. [Sings a capella of the song].
About Qute Kaye
Once considered one of Uganda’s best vocalists, Qute Kaye, real name Ivan Kawuma, is a product of the 2003 Coca- Cola Popstars talent show.
He went to Lugazi East, Froebel, and Kazo West primary schools, then joined Makindye SS, for his O-level and City and Guilds of London for a diploma in electrical engineering.
His hits include Ginkeese, Gwendota and Osindise Asitamye.
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jjingoernest1@gmail.com
