You are always going against party norms!

[Laughs] I’m someone who is open, critical, and who loves justice; I’m not even defiant. 

Back to business, Mbwatekamwa Gaffa. Those are funny names, Honourable.

[Laughs out loud] It means as a man you must be strong! So, you can hardly milk any dog. That is what it means; to be a man, you have to stand all seasons.

OK…

I got the name in my S4; our headmaster had sex with a student; so, we rioted and some were arrested. When I went to ask police to release my friends, police wanted a bribe; police asked me for mata g’abaana (children’s milk). But I told them: “kasooka mukama nte, mbwatekamwa (you may have been milking cows, but you cannot milk a dog)…but they ended up releasing them. That’s how I got the name as a nickname. 

Strange, that few people know your real name!

My name is Louis; I was baptized in the Catholic faith.

Louis is a beautiful name. Now, your dress code in parliament [He is known for the love of a bowtie]…

I’m a pan-African and I believe in [fabric] like kitenge, but when I came to parliament, I found people wearing ties but I was uncomfortable with ties; so, I remained with my bowties. 

Who chooses for you what to wear?

I choose for myself. I don’t remember the last time my wife even bought me a shirt!

Hmmm, are you romantic?

Very romantic, and my wife loves me so much.

Talking of romance, when did you last take her out?

[Gives it a thought:] Hmmm; three months back. 

Quite long, I must say…

Yeah … actually in parliament we try to dedicate much of our time legislating than with our families; that’s why I’m planning to quit politics; one of the things I’m planning is to concentrate on my family. I want to revive the love of family glory [Mbwatekamwa recently announced he will not be seeking another term in office, a decision that has been cheered and scoffed at, in equal measure.]

Good luck on that. Do you dance? What are your favourite dance styles?

[Brightens up] I like lingala; by the time we were growing up, Congolese were the best musicians and people like Pepe Kale, and groups like Wenga Musica were a thing. [Quick Talk imagines the energetic Mbwatekamwa in a lingala dance move, and the image is funny. Moving on…]

OK…

[As if sensing Quick Talk’s skepticism, the MP brightens up and demonstrates] If you played Etat Major [done by Extra Musica music group], you just see the dog [as he repeatedly refers to himself] almost breaking. I’m a serious fan of lingala. 

Does this dog also know how to cook?

Yes! Very well. I can cook matoke … and to tell you, on December 24, in my constituency, one of my people lost a daughter studying in one of my schools and I’m the one who mingled the posho at the burial and also peeled matoke [now, that would have been a great photo op!]

Even on Women’s day, I actually cook for my family.

Talking of family, what is your wife’s name?

She is called Dona Atwire.

Any kids, Honourable?

I have four children.

Great! I’m imagining you must be a dog lover too.

Yes; actually, I’m a dog breeder. I have over 45 dogs; some I sell while others protect me.

For the best breeds you can come to me; the German shepherd, the Boerboel…

I’ll keep that in mind… how many pairs of shoes do you have?

Not more than seven.

Eh, a whole MP?

Yes!

And what car do you drive?

I drive a Toyota Noah and a Kia.

You are a favourite for NTV’s satirical show, Point Blank. How does your family take that?

Actually my family knows me as a comic dad and they are not always surprised. I like cracking jokes with my wife, my children … we are always joking, they know I’m [a comedian].

The funny side aside, what kind of dad are you?

People see me deliberating on the floor of parliament but at home I’m soft. I cannot kill a fly.

Which MPs do you admire most?

I admire Theodore Sekikubo [the Lwemiyaga legislator, who like Mbwatekamwa is known to veer from his NRM party line] and Helen Kahunde (Kiryandongo Woman) and the best iron lady is Monicah Amoding from Kumi district.

If you were president for a day…

I would [fire] all corrupt government officials… By the way, if I were a president, I would not work with any of the ministers in government now. I would look for my generation.

Which musician do you admire?

I admire Bobi Wine and Juliana Kanyomozi.

Sing for me a Juliana song, Honourable!

[He gives Quick Talk a raspy chorus of Kanyimbe by Juliana, as we wind up the interview.]