She says these gestures and attentions are what compose “the Goddess Array”. That, which makes your wife truly feel like your queen.
It is common for men, the world over, to put so much effort in creating this goddess array during courtship or even wooing their sweethearts, but neglect it the moment they have ‘quarry in their traps’.
Then, they switch to the big displays, in the hope that this is what will keep the goddess array vibrant, by focusing 90 per cent of the time on work and bringing in the big money – believing this is what will keep their wives happy. In their minds, they don’t even have to be there, physically or emotionally, as long as their wives see the money, big houses and fast cars.
It is complex. Every wife prefers the good, wealthy life, granted. But every wife who enjoys her sex optimally, will also notice when the ‘simple, free’ things in life are sucked out of her goddess array.
She no longer feels loved; she no longer gets your sexual attention in terms of foreplay; she no longer feels desired; she no longer spends time with just you; she no longer hears endearments and compliments; she does not feel appreciated and ‘seen’.
Many marriages are like that, unfortunately. I have heard so many husbands rationalise it and I never have quite the right words to explain it. So, thank you, Wolf!
Otherwise, wives that have ‘everything they need’ would not be caught cheating on their husbands with ‘lesser’ men that seem to have nothing to offer them, financially. Hmmm……! Not to condone infidelity, but watch out; don’t cause the problems in your union by neglecting ‘small, small’ things that your wife knows you are good at, but you have simply decided to take her for granted.
Just like an emasculated husband will relate to the late Philly Bongoley Lutaaya’s lyrics of “nfunda n’omubi angondera ng’amanyi nze musajjawe.” (I’d rather have an ugly but respectful wife that treats me like a real man), a neglected but comfortable wife will relate to the late Stella Nanteza’s “Wakiri tube baavu kyokka ng’onjagala” (better for us to be poor, as long as you love me). In the latter, the song is about a couple that rose from rags to riches, only for the husband to become a stranger.
“These important new discoveries are not widely discussed in mass media yet because the ‘solution’ to many of the sexual problems that women report is not a lucrative new drug but, rather, a change in human interaction,” Wolf writes.
“Major pharmaceutical companies will not realize any profit from millions of men simply learning how to touch their women better, gaze at them longer, hold them more skilfully, or bring them to more transformative orgasms.”
How many wives do you plan to marry and set up in lonely mansions, forgetting that they are as much emotional beings as they are physical, and still need the ‘little’ things too?
carol@observer.ug
