Help! My country is sending me into depression

I have always felt deep inside I was meant to be born in Cape Verde, but something must have happened and boom, here I am in this Uganda.

Make no mistake, I love my country to bits, but there are days when I wake up and dreamily think about my alternate country, Cape Verde, and what could have been!

Last week and through the weekend was one of those times. Everything was wrong with Uganda. The politics, the economy, the people, social media, the weather…

In fact, last week made me repent several times to God, because of the evil thoughts I found myself having against some of my compatriots. Then I would quickly catch myself and say: “Forgive me Lord. That was a truly evil thought for a Mulokole to have.”

But a few hours later, I would read something else on social media and there I would go again, sinning with my evil thoughts and repenting again.

You switch on TV and it gets worse. You go to work, and sink deeper into the doldrums. As you drag yourself up, someone calls and that conversation sends you right back to square one. That was the state of my mind last week and midweek, I decided to go to church and talk to God.

The kind of darkness I was feeling myself walking under could be lifted by only God. I walked into church mid-sermon and as I stepped through the doorway, the electricity shut down, as if in recognition of the darkness I had just walked in with. It did not help matters when my pastor paused his teaching to joke about the fact that I had set foot through the doorway and blew the lights out.

But bless the Lord oh my soul, for the sanctuary. I sat there and within 30 minutes the cloak of darkness I had been feeling lifted. By the time we started praying for deliverance, I was free and lighthearted once more.

So, now I am guarding my mental health jealously; while I still occasionally go to the social media sites, there are handles I do not read. I see the name and immediately scroll on, for my own sanity’s sake.

Otherwise, how unfortunate that one’s country and government can be the biggest trigger in one’s struggles!

malita@observer.ug