Visiting newlyweds the ‘morning after’
Are you crazy? What exactly do you want to see that cannot wait? Their loved-up faces, or the crumpled sheets?
And the strangest part of all is that the biggest perpetuators are the parents. Oh dear! In close second, is the organizing committee for the wedding party. You put together an amazing wedding – thank you very much – but can you now leave the couple to consummate their marriage in peace?
It had become almost tradition, for close relatives and friends to go and ‘tubuuze ku bagole baffe (greet our newlyweds)’ the morning after the wedding.
For Baganda, I think it is a hangover from the ancient culture of a paternal aunt ‘supervising’ activities of the wedding night, back when girls were married off young and as guaranteed virgins (I studied Luganda literature and culture at HSC and the Baganda’s wedding norms and practices were quite something!)
But times have changed. And oh, how! Now newlyweds hide details of where they will spend the wedding night, to avoid loved but unwelcome visitors.
Few people factor in the possibility that because the couple is usually exhausted after the wedding, they may choose to sleep off the festivities’ rigours and only ‘stamp’ their marriages in the glorious morning after. Then right on cue, knock, knock, knock. Groan!
Calling too early in the morning
Capital radio presenter Lucky Mbabazi once complained on her Twitter handle about football fans calling her sports journalist husband Patrick Kanyomozi on Sunday morning to talk about “last night’s matches”.
Look, if there is no action in your bed at that moment, it does not mean others are redundant too. Take a glass of water, and another, then wait until at least 11 am – if it is the weekend – to call married people. It can be earlier during the week, because they have to get to work too. But be sensitive; I totally agree with Mbabazi.
Some have early days; they are up by 5 am and immediately start calling and texting. Are you crazy? Other people are busy, please!
Tagging along for the honeymoon
Now, who does that! Right? Well, me. And two other friends in the kikoosi of my younger years. If this Carol met that Carol with her crazy ideas today, the former would give the latter two hot slaps for her efforts.
Anyway, we escorted our darling friends to Mombasa for their honeymoon. Cough-cough. I’m still embarrassed, thinking about it, although it made a lot of sense at the time and we made exceptional memories.
But I now wish we had just let them be! They could have seen Fort Jesus, experienced the crocodile park, Nyali beach and more, just the two of them.
But there we were, loyal, unshakeable friends, splashing with them in the Indian ocean, soaking in all the sights, sounds and the loving, longing glances with them! Don’t try this at home, please. Lifelong memories are made during the honeymoon. Stay home and mind your own business.
Don’t overcrowd the marriage
Great that you are a close-knit family and your sibling has built this amazing home; it is not a welcome to stay indefinitely. Come visit, but by all means take your leave at some point!
I have seen my good share of marriages wrecked by interfering relatives crowding the homes. Yes, this is Africa – everyone looks after someone distant or close in their home – but it is also a mindset.
Some couples never fully discover one another sexually, emotionally and spiritually, because they hit the road running with their first ka-home crawling with opinionated relatives long before the children even come. They never experience the thrill of making love in every corner and on every surface of their house, in fear of disturbing the visitors’ peace.
They never really enjoy that buzz of the first years of marriage, because these visitors are not always silent witnesses to the marriage; they can be relentless in finding fault with their in-law or even successfully hen-pecking them out of the marriage.
Stay home; help will find you there, especially if you cannot stay out of the couple’s business.
carol@observer.ug
