They have even threatened to use force. Can you imagine!
But, yes, Russia welcomed him as president, offered him full honours, and he sat among the other haggard octogenarians. What a story this was! The handsome, fit and tough-talking captain is 35.
Yes, even our first son, presidential hopeful, Gen Muhoozi Kainerugaba, was also there. Although for him, he only accompanied his dad, perhaps to be introduced to President Putin (as son and president in waiting?), or something like that. I know, Afande MK is President Putin’s admirer, and has voiced pro- Russian positions on the conflict in Ukraine.
I can only imagine how awesome the opportunity to have a private chat with Putin himself was for our handsome general. I was jealous for Gen. Kainerugaba as he watched the well-built captain. I cannot imagine our presidential hopeful stealing furtive glances and nodding in agreement when the 35-year-old captain grabbed all the headlines as he told off octogenarians that they have messed up the continent as they endlessly travel to European capitals with begging bowels.
These men that the captain was blasting included MK’s old man. Ouch, that must have hurt. I cannot imagine our senior UPDF officer wishing to be voicing the same things like this youthful captain. Because this is their time to govern, not to wait!
Dressed in trademark military fatigue, and speaking strongly, firmly, stressing every syllable that came out of his mouth, I have no doubt that our 49-year-old first son, agreed with every point that Capt Traore made.
Specifically, on the point that Africa is the richest continent in the world in terms of resources including land, minerals and beautiful weather (also with the most beautiful women?), and that there was no reason for African presidents to be out in the European cold, being bussed around like school children, begging, Gen MK must have been in agreement.
There were more revolutionary voices—whom I think Gen MK would cherish working with directly—such as the strongman from Eritrea, President Isaias Afwerki, who called out the Euro-America’s poverty and pillaging of the rest of the world through sanctions, wars and simply printing coloured papers—they call money.
But then, painfully, mournfully, it hit me: my man is not as brave as I wish he should be. I have over and over again showed him the easy way towards the presidency, but he remains reluctant to pick it. Is it a problem of bravery – for a general of the armed forces! Or is it a problem of fear to upset clan members?
As I have endlessly suggested to comrade Kainerugaba, the large Ugandan community would be proud of him—even if he built his dada Serena or Sheraton in Luzira prisons. Even if he created safe passage for him into a more comfortable exile. He would have deposed our tyrant, and could string any narrative about it, whichever they like.
Believe you and me, comrade brother Andrew Mwenda would not fail to theorise this coup with eloquent speech and wisdom. (He doesn’t have to count on me much, but for sure, I will be back here throwing praises to the new liberator).
Dear reader, allow me to read the prophecy for comrade brother Kainerugaba, directly: time is running out for you, my friend. This window remains open for only a small time, and the clock is ticking — and you are aging. If there are any lessons we could learn from the junior officer of Burkina Faso, Capt Ibrahim Traore, it is that a more junior, hitherto little known, but brave soldier, will emerge from the shadows and grab the opportunity from your hands.
The chance to build a palace in Luzira prisons for your clearly old and tired father will be gone, and you might be running for dear life—as there could be mayhem all over the streets of Kampala.
Please be encouraged by the fact that—as you saw with Capt Traore— there is a large section of the wide world ready to embrace you, donned in military fatigues and flexing your biceps. Russia and China will, definitely, and these serious folks as regards diplomacy.
If you are able to deal with Kampala’s banking cartels, and telecoms companies, stupid taxes, and show some oomph with your father’s free- fall corruption (in the first 12 months), you will be an instant darling.
Banks and telecoms, being the major thieves—and structures of continued colonialism—, once directly dealt with, there will be money in people’s hands, and you would be rocking. My friends and I are available for more tips (such as immediately cutting down the size of parliament, opening Lake Victoria to ordinary folks, promising to return cooperatives, releasing political prisoners) if you are serious and ready to coup the old man.
As an aside, did you take any selfies with the inspiring, President Traore?
yusufkajura@gmail.com
The author is a political theorist based at Makerere University.
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