Sex Talk: Yes, kwanjula is a wedding too

I occasionally get the odd email from a young Christian asking whether they can now enjoy sex without fornication, having finished their introduction (kwanjula, kuhingira, etc) ceremonies.

And controversial as this may sound to the average mulokole, my answer is always yes, if the couple decides that way. I will limit myself to the Ganda kwanjula ceremony, which is not only from my tribe – hence a little more knowledgeable there – but also was part of my A-level Luganda classes, where one of the modules required students to describe a Ganda wedding.

Kwanjula was essentially it. And the laws of Uganda recognize it as a customary marriage, once the couple register it with National Identification and Registration Authority (NIRA), which took over that function from Uganda Registration Services Bureau in April this year.

The only thing about a customary wedding/marriage is that it is legally open to polygamy, which is why a Christian couple should never be contented with that step; take it a step further and seal it with vows before God.

But can we stop looking with condemnatory eyes at young couples that finish their kwanjula and decide to move in together and start doing life? Some register that as an official wedding consented to by both sets of parents, as they wait to go make their vows in church – which in essence cements the role of the Almighty God in their union.

Like salvation, I believe that is a personal choice. I will forever respect the bride whose kwanjula I attended several years ago and for my first time ever, I saw a bride see off her groom and his entourage, remaining in her parents’ home for another six months before the church wedding, and only then did they consummate their marriage.

Choices. Yes, some better than others, but regardless, choices. Don’t threaten to burn at the stake, a girl who decides to register her customary wedding with the state, and proceeds into a marriage.

Even when it comes to succession laws, should one’s husband die, a woman who has a customary marriage certificate is an officially recognized widow, as opposed to one who has been a live-in girlfriend (cohabiting) for decades. Make informed decisions.

Don’t cohabit for years, and then when you are finally in position to make things official, you splash all your savings on a kukyala (ssenga’s visit), which in the grand scheme of things is really…. nothing.

After a kukyala, you, my dear, are still only cohabiting and fornicating, no matter how aggressively you start referring to yourself as Mrs Gundi. Yes, I have seen young women take on their boyfriends’ surnames after an extravagant kukyala, which leaves them convinced that it was a customary marriage based on the many gifts the boyfriend came with.

Hmm, even if you bring cows to a Ganda kukyala, it is still just that: a visit with ssenga – a first step in preparing for the wedding. Okukyala is not recognized by any laws of the land. Be smart.

In marriage, you need to be approved by your earthly parents – customarily – but most importantly be approved by God, by saying your vows before Him too.

So, to all who have been saying you are feeling the judgmental vibes coming off church members because you had a kwanjula and decided to move in together, I sincerely pray that you take that final, important lap to church, but technically, even at that stage, what you have is a recognised marriage. May the rest of us just mind our business.

caronakazibwe@gmail.com