Welcome back from the weekend’s hullabaloo… So, were you gifted according to your expectations?
Or are you among those who disappeared ‘for the annual men’s conference’ that ‘happens’ around this time of year and attracts stingy men from all over the world? Well, Valentine’s Day may be gone, but her birthday, your wedding anniversary, etc, are still ahead.
You are still redeemable. These things that husbands so frivolously forget or ignore, matter to their wives.
“Only recently has it surfaced that a woman’s need for emotional fulfillment is every bit as pressing as is the male’s need for sexual release. It is as unjustifiable for a man to ignore his wife’s need for romantic love as it is for her to deny him his sexual urges,” Nancy Van Pelt wrote in her book, To Have And To Hold.
It is a 1980 edition, in case you are wondering about that ‘only recently…’ I believe, like everything good and right, great sex too, has a formula somewhere. You don’t just do it and get lucky or not. If you talk to other couples that seem to have struck gold in that department, you will recognize a pattern or what you possibly think is ‘kajanja’.
Nope; they mastered the formula and like the results they are getting. Don’t just demand for sex, yet remain unyielding on the things that matter to her. And you, madam, don’t demand to be pampered and loved, but remain like the roadrunner that the cayote never catches when it comes to sex.
“This explains why an anniversary is more important to her than it is to him, and why she feels so frustrated when her husband forgets such courtesies,” Van Pelt writes.
Emotional security, she writes, is very important to your wife. So, if you told her this year, “Ebya Valentine bya baana bato (Valentine things are for young people),” and proceeded to ignore her, blame only yourself.
I liked that Pastor Joseph Sserwadda honoured his wife Freda and reassured her of his love before the church congregation, and she in turn brought him a gift. No wonder they have been married 41 years.
Then there is you, who can even comfortably afford the trimmings that come with a day such as Valentine’s, but stubbornly refuse to do anything year after year, because “my boys said that is a show of weakness – running around the city with flowers!”
Unfortunately, the same city is littered with playboys that have mastered the art of tapping into the untapped emotions of married women, in many cases leading them off the beaten path, onto one where pink elephants frolic and trumpet sinfully. Just saying!
Don’t take your wife for granted, especially when she has for years been bending over backwards to ensure your wishes – sexual and beyond – are her commands. When there is no reciprocation in the ways that truly matter to her, one day like this……!
Bookmark this. Long before Valentine’s Day became a thing in Uganda, wives revolted against their husbands over the Christmas dress/busuuti. You had to find a way to make that all-important annual gifting as a husband, because it was what fueled the marriage for another year.
Well, that was how ‘bad’ the average Ugandan man’s financial resources were; now, things are better and times have changed. Wives can even afford their own dresses. Mostly. How then, are you going to fuel the pink elephants in your marriage?
Anniversaries, festive seasons, days like Valentine’s, give you easy options. But you can also choose to be a philosopher about this, ignore the formula and barrel straight on into another boringly grey year in the bedroom.
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