As traditions evolve, the concept of bride price has become a matter of contention as to whether it is still an obligation when marrying or selling off one’s daughter to the highest bidder.
In 2021, in a story that was widely published, Laban Sabiti was left stranded with five children, including a then breastfeeding 13-month-old baby, simply because he had delayed paying the bride price of Shs 6m for the mother of his children.
His father-in-law came for his daughter, holding on to her until Sabiti would pay up. Sabiti’s efforts to talk to his wife’s father for lenience, fell on deaf ears. Sabiti’s case is not an isolated incident; in another story, a man was denied the right to bury his deceased wife unless he cleared the bride price.
This is common among all tribes in Uganda; the girl is not yours, unless you visit her parents’ home formally and pay bride price. Even in death, one is not recognised as the deceased person’s spouse, unless this tradition was fulfilled.
When it comes to the Baganda, although it is considered one of the communities that traditionally does not demand much in bride price, lately modernity and intermarriage have pushed the standards of bride price to the realms of extravagance. And as a result, many young people are opting for cohabitation instead of an actual wedding, waiting for a time when they too, can bring the roof down with the mother of all kwanjulas.
Sadly, some wait forever for a wedding that never happens. On X (formerly Twitter), one user who is an events planner confessed to the number of stunts they have pulled off during traditional marriage ceremonies, in order for the groom to appear wealthy.
“We have hired cars, brand new boda bodas and truckloads of cows,” he wrote. “We have also used prop money, and in one particular event we brought two trucks of beer and soda only to take them back to the depot after the function.”
And it is not just the grooms that aim to show off; in one kwanjula ceremony, the father-of-the-bride, desperate to show off to his guests, ‘lent’ the young groom a truckload of cows to bring to the function.
Guests were amused when the cows were offloaded and they followed a well-beaten path to the kraal at the back of the house. All these shenanigans recently sparked an online debate on X, led by Dr Spire Ssentongo, wondering how to restore sanity, or get rid of the issue of bride price, altogether.
In an interview with The Observer, Ssentongo, an academic at Makerere University, explained that among the Baganda, kwanjula was primarily about families getting to know one another and establishing a relationship.
“At that point, the family of the man was essentially being ‘born’ into the woman’s family. The groom was becoming a [son] within the bride’s family,” he explained.
“At the same time, the girl was also becoming part of the man’s family. So, the entire process was about forming relationships and building familiarity between the two families.”
Certain gifts were exchanged during that modest ceremony; the idea was that any family that was able to work and sustain itself could afford to marry.
“The ceremony was never meant to be a form of payment for a girl. That is why many of the items involved were symbolic,” Ssentongo said.
However, Ssentongo observed, this understanding has slowly shifted and that the kwanjula ceremony has increasingly become about who can give more and who can cause significant inflation in the girl’s home.
“It is now a display of greater wealth and who can make the biggest social statement,” he said.
Ironically, he added, these displays often do not reflect real wealth, because many people return to financial hardship after the ceremony. Besides, Ssentongo explained, kwanjula itself is essentially a marriage ceremony.
Today, however, there can be three or more separate events. Okukyala, which was originally a simple visit to introduce intentions and set a date for the kwanjula, has now become a major function in its own right.
Some women even take on their boyfriends’ surnames after the kukyala!
“People arrive with bags of sugar, cartons of soap, salt, cooking oil and many other items,” he observed.
But this visit to a girl’s paternal aunt was simply meant to be about making an appointment, and allowing the bride’s family to indicate what symbolic items might be required at the kwanjula.
It was never intended to be a large ceremony. For young couples just starting out, he said, the financial burden can be overwhelming.
“People often rely on friends and relatives to contribute money, but eventually others grow tired of constantly being asked to support such ceremonies,” Ssentongo said.
“Because of the pressure to hold large ceremonies similar to those of others, many young people postpone marriage or abandon the process altogether.”
BRIDE PRICE OR NO BRIDE PRICE
Yusuf Ahmed Lumu, the secretary of the association of Aboogezi b’Emikolo (traditional ceremony spokespersons) in Buganda, highlighted the symbolic and traditional meaning of bride price.
Lumu explained that traditionally bride price was never meant to be payment for a woman.
“Bride price is a gesture of gratitude to the parents for raising and caring for their daughter,” he explained. “It recognises the effort, resources and upbringing invested in her.”
However, he noted that the practice has now become increasingly commercial and sometimes resembles the selling off of daughters. No wonder, when marriages fail, some husbands demand for a refund!
Lumu said bride price was never at the level witnessed today in terms of costs and negotiations. Dr Ssentongo sees no point in thanking the girl’s family for raising their child.
“If the bride’s family is being appreciated for raising their daughter, then the groom’s family also raised their son,” he reasoned. “Otherwise, the arrangement creates a sense of entitlement where one party believes they have paid for the other and can therefore treat them however they wish.”
HOW A GANDA MARRIAGE CEREMONY SHOULD BE
According to Lumu, the first ceremony in the marriage process is okukyala, and it is usually carried out in phases. The first phase is okukyala okw’okutta ekyama, where the man’s father goes to the lady’s family to ask for their daughter’s hand in marriage on behalf of his son.
During this stage, the young woman is sent to her ssenga (the father’s sister) to be prepared for marriage. It is also during this preparation period that the second okukyala takes place.
“The man intending to marry their daughter visits the ssenga so that she can examine his character before giving feedback to the lady’s father on whether the man is fit to marry their daughter,”Lumu explained.
“He also goes with a letter detailing when he intends to return for the kwanjula.” Lumu explained that today many people no longer respect this ceremony and instead conduct okukyala at any place of their choosing.
Traditionally, however, this ceremony is supposed to be held at the ssenga’s home. He added that okukyala is traditionally an indoor ceremony with a few people.
“The man’s family is only supposed to take a few items to the ssenga, simply because you cannot visit someone’s home empty-handed,” he said.
The intending groom would go with not more than four people, including his sister, brother, a friend to his father (munywanyi w’omukago), and sometimes the grandfather.
After this stage, the families proceeded to the okukyala okw’okusala ebintu or okwogereza (negotiation).
“It is during this stage that the details of how the kwanjula will be handled are discussed, including the bride price to be brought,” he explained.
Lumu explained that traditionally, it was not deemed appropriate for the man’s parents to attend his kwanjula ceremony, because all decisions would already have been made during earlier meetings.
“However, today we see parents attending this function as well,” he observed.
During the kwanjula, three main items are expected: the omutwalo (bride price), ebintu eby’enkizo (symbolic items) such as the map of Buganda, a certificate and portraits of the Kabaka and Nabagereka, and other gifts known as akasiimo.
Lumu agreed that some families request for bride price that the man may fail to deliver, which was not the case in the past. The bride price used to depend on the man’s ability, the needs of the girl’s family, or even the region where the man came from.
“In Kyadondo it used to be Shs 10,000, in Bulemeezi it used to be white ants, in Singo it used to be stones, and in Buvuma it used to be fish,” he explained.
Today, families can ask for anything ranging from a Bible/Quran, to cars, bags of cement, water tanks, land titles, name it, which have irked people like Dr Ssentongo to the point of de-campaigning the whole practice of paying bride price. But Lumu said such items are not part of the bride price, but are voluntary gifts – akasiimo.
CULTURE VS REASON
Ssentongo argued that culture should serve the people who practise it and that it inevitably evolves with time. Critique of cultural practices, he said, should not automatically be seen as an attack on culture.
Some argue that debates like the one Ssentongo started on X are influenced by Western ideas and dilute African traditions. However, Ssentongo believes every progressive society has evolved over time, and “the real concern should be whether change leads to positive or negative outcomes”.
“If cultural evolution helps reduce oppression of women, girls or even men, then it should be seen as a productive and progressive development.”
LIMITED CONTROL OVER OUTCOMES
Lumu said spokespersons often have limited control over how people choose to conduct their ceremonies, despite offering guidance.
“We always try to prioritise the cultural significance of these ceremonies, but we cannot dictate how someone should handle their ceremony,” he explained.
Lumu said many people copy what they see others doing, and as a result, many people now perceive kwanjula as a display of wealth and competition, creating the impression that it resembles the selling of the bride.
Lumu also pointed to several other practices that he believes show disrespect for Buganda’s traditions. One common mistake, he said, is exceeding the number of people invited to attend the function.
“A lot of people make this mistake, but it is a sign of disrespect to the girl’s family,” he said.
When the father-of-the-bride agrees to receive the groom and his entourage, he also specifies the number of guests he expects, and accordingly prepares for them. For the groom to turn up with double the invited number of guests, is the first sign of disrespect to his in-laws.
Another practice is the throwing of money during the ceremony, as copied from Nigerian weddings.
“If you want to give money, place it in an envelope,” he said.
Additionally, a groom is not supposed to change outfits during the kwanjula, let alone dance inappropriately, or talk back, unless specifically asked to. But what modernity has unleashed…!
No wonder a groom’s spokesperson was recently reportedly penalised by the association, after a European guest hilariously somersaulted with joy – gomesi and all – during the kwanjula ceremony.