She who finds a husband that can prioritise her pleasure in bed, finds a gem; the kind of wives you will find in marriages that may not tick all the ‘contemporarily acceptable’ boxes of height, age, looks, financial muscle, social standing, etc, but are indescribably happy without letting their secret out.
If you sit one of them down and she lets you into her confidence, she will tell you how her husband takes her to the top of the world and leaves her there for as long as she wants; so, everything else is secondary to that blissful feeling. For, just like men, a woman’s wellbeing, glow, mental clarity, good health, calmness and more come from how much orgasmic pleasure she receives.
Sadly, very few women experience a true orgasm in their lifetime. Not because something is broken or dysfunctional in them, but because they ended up with spouses that have no clue about the differences between the genders’ bodies and how they respond to stimuli.
They ended up with husbands that make love to achieve one thing, and one thing only: their own satisfaction. So, again, don’t be shocked when a woman walks out of a marriage that seems to tick all the ‘contemporarily acceptable’ boxes, but she refuses to divulge what possibly went wrong.
Some accept their lot and stay in their ‘interesting’ marriages till death parts them, but increasingly, others choose to go see whether their luck will be better next time around.
“A man takes four minutes to reach orgasm, on average; a woman, sixteen minutes. Unless he is patient, [a husband] is going to [climax] more quickly than she will,” Naomi Wolf writes in Vagina: A New Biography.
“So, when we talk about ‘normal sex’, the man ejaculates just when the woman’s body is just beginning to soften, open, relax into that beautiful....it’s over. A lot of women have given up on that kind of sex. Women are withdrawing from that kind of sex and concluding it is not satisfying.”
It is why foreplay may mean more to your wife than it does to you; indulge her, so that her body softens, opens and relaxes into that beautiful transition you need to drive her over the edge, where her pink elephants dance before the northern lights – all that while optimally utilizing your four minutes. A win-win situation.
An honest wife will tell you that few things are as frustrating as being ‘so close, yet so far’. Before she knows it, it is over and her hair feels like it is being pulled out by an unseen force, and her nerves taut enough to tear; she can hear the pink elephants in the distance, but she is not allowed to see or play with them.
Over and over, night after night, year after year. This frustration soon seeps into her day-to-day temperament and attitude towards sex. Put yourself in her shoes and you will start to prioritise her more and eventually earn yourself a place in that hall of fame currently occupied by a few ‘distinguished, uncriticizable husbands’!
“Tests on women have shown that there is no physiological reason why all women can’t have orgasms,” Wolf writes.
So, there are no sexually dysfunctional women in that way; just sexually clueless husbands. Unfortunately, those clueless husbands do not necessarily know that they are clueless, because the average Ugandan wife has been ‘programmed’ to make her man feel adequate in bed, regardless the level of game he brings.
Wives fake it and ooh-aah to pink elephants and northern lights they are not experiencing, just to fan their husbands’ egos and keep the peace, and in the process exacerbate the pre-orgasmia problems. If only all couples discussed their sex lives openly!