Sex Talk: Beyond baby, here is an unpopular opinion

Our grandparents were clever, receiving their daughters back home for a few weeks to allow ‘proper healing’ after childbirth, before they could rejoin their husbands and new family.

I now suspect it was really to protect their daughters’ marriages. Childbirth and sexual reproductive health can be much-oo!

Modernity and ‘civilisation’ have switched things up and now I know many husbands that do the gallant work of taking care of their own wives during childbirth and post-partum, but often discover the hidden cost to this much later. Seeing an organ you associate with ecstasy, pink elephants and sweet anticipation now spasm with pain, infection, or stretch and rip apart to expel a baby – all the while spewing blood and other bodily fluids/excretions – can be life and marriage-changing.

Not necessarily in a bad way; many husbands I have talked to that have ‘been there, done that’ report an indescribable bond and fondness/ affection/renewed respect for their wives but, on the other hand, they don’t know how to explain that the experience also traumatised their libidos to near- death.

He just finds himself no longer scrambling for the partitioning of her Africa, but has no words to describe what he feels without hurting her feelings or being misunderstood by the wokeness army. I have heard men say they started to fear sex, because it could lead to another pregnancy and more trauma; so, abstaining from sex with the wives they still love dearly, seemed ideal.

Need I spell it out, how infidelity then enters the picture?

God packaged a woman’s vagina with quite a load of mysteries – including childbirth – all of which play as a tag-team to build its unique, inexplicable allure to the opposite sex. Uncover those mysteries and you just have another sickly body organ.

That is why traditionally in many parts of not just Uganda, but Africa, a new mother went home to her own mother or relatives to first nurse her through the days of ripped and/or bleeding genitals, breastmilk- soaked blouses, etc.

When she was finally able to handle the intricacies that come with childbirth on her own, she was sent back to her husband. By then, she would also be back in good physical health to resume making love. Today? Hmmm.

Interestingly, in many cases, it is the woke wives that insist on hubby dearest being involved, but later cannot quite explain what happened to their sex lives.

Does a husband’s involvement in his wife’s reproductive health only mean being this intimately available, at the risk of hurting another equally important department of the marriage? Does he love you any less if at the peak of your labour action he is excused to wait outside the labour suite?

What I know, this is a conversation many ‘involved’ husbands will never have with their wives, but it does not mean that the conversation is not there, or that it is not being whispered elsewhere, where they feel they will not be judged.

I am all for husbands supporting their wives as they do their part in growing the family, but my sister, just exercise wisdom; guard your marriage and sex life jealously. Let him take you for antenatal visits and sit through all your classes and preps. Shop for baby together and work through the hilarity of cravings, pica and other pregnancy drama.

Let him come along to the hospital and help ease your contractions, but when things become too hectic, allow him to wait outside, lest what he desired so much starts scaring him.

If you could have an honest conversation, you would be surprised to discover how many of the problems in your sex life started with a modern decision.

caronakazibwe@gmail.com