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Sex Talk: Hey, it is not an audition

I know I have written about this before, but it cannot be over-said.

Approaching sex as an audition for a gig [read marriage] is possibly the reason why you are so frustrated. Whether you nailed that ‘gig’ or not, trust me the frustration will be there.

Either you will be required to keep above your own high stakes game from the ‘auditions’ now that you are married, or you will feel utterly and inanely used because you put on one heck of a performance for months, and still did not get the ‘gig’.

This also goes for the men who pay school fees, start businesses for girlfriends, and basically send them to the moon, all to prove they are husband material. Just do you; be true to what you believe in and how you want to approach your courtship; what is meant to be will be.

We had a talk with the young girls in my church over the weekend, and I was appalled by how much pressure they said they were under to give ‘prospective buyers’ of their ‘beautiful cars’, ‘test drives’.

Strangely, young balokole men are putting fellow balokole girls on pressure to first have sex with them to ‘test compatibility and fertility’ before they can discuss walking down the proverbial aisle. The talk had been called after realising that many young people in church were nursing broken hearts after their ‘cars’ were taken on ‘test drives’, first around the block and then to further, mountainous destinations, only for the ‘prospective buyer’ to come back and say they cannot take the car after all, due to a funny noise in the engine.

Some cars came back from the test drives listed under DMC. So, can we stop the auditioning for marriage, already? Be as authentic as you want to be. You will be fine. These things of going for trial runs in the sex, kitchen, laundry and childbirth departments are old.

Look around you; there have been no guarantees, for many of those who used that approach. By the time you get tired of ‘auditioning’, your ‘car’ will have been taken on several pointless test drives, only for a serious buyer to finally come and find the engine, plugs, alternator, shock absorbers, name it, in need of a serious overhaul due to the number of times you have been on bad highways in so-called compatibility test drives.

And because so many people are walking around frustrated and bitter from all the prospective buyers that wasted their fuel but still never bought the beautiful car, when Mr/Miss Right finally comes along, they find this venomous, battle-hardened person. Battle-hardened and ready to take it out on the next [good] person that crosses their path – with mistrust, being on the constant defensive or offensive.

Don’t do that to yourself. People marry each other for more than just sex. So, don’t brand/market yourself with just that. Times have changed. Everyone now is attracted to success, developmental ideas and hard work, regardless the gender of the hunter and quarry.

Package yourself better and let the great sex you bring to the table be the cherry on top; not the entry point. Especially not, if you are putting on a show to get someone’s daughter/son to walk down the aisle with you.

I have shared before about the woman who said yes to Prince Charming based purely on his amazing sex auditions during courtship, and after a whirlwind romance of a few months, they tied the knot.

Hardly weeks into the marriage, Prince Charming turned back into a frog. Gone was the great sex his wife had known; in its place was a man who did not want to be bothered with sex and when he got around to doing it, it was over before it could even begin, to the wife’s chagrin.

The frustration of constantly being left high and dry eventually came to a head as they fought more and grew even more distant; they divorced after two years and she is now back to the auditions and test drives [eye-roll!]

carol@observer.ug

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