Log in

Sex Talk: Enough with the transport money!

What is all this talk about transport money, ladies? I have been reading about it on social media for a while now and dismissed it as a joke, until someone pointed out recently that indeed, girls ask for money for a cab to deliver them to their date venue and airtime to call the guy or buy data.

My hair stood on end. How old am I? Some of these things seem so far removed from my generation that I feel like a dinosaur, yet I am not that old. Promise. What young girls back in the day did was turn up with a group of her girlfriends for the date. Still cringe-worthy, but asking him for transport money – because of its cheapness, I guess – is on another level.

How does that even work? A man who is interested in you, once he has stated his case and presented his manifesto, starts sending you money for transport whenever he wants you to meet him, and airtime for you to communicate?

And then, should he go ahead and marry you, at what point do you start spending on yourself or your home…?

Besides, isn’t it from this “transport money” that we are getting an avalanche of complaints of ‘he used me and dumped me’, ‘he wanted to have sex on our first date!’, ‘he treated me like an object he owns’…

Well, when you put a price on everything, you are raising expectations you cannot meet; think about that too. There is a certain sexiness today in a woman’s financial independence, without negating her appreciation for being spoilt with gifts and generosity by her spouse.

But by all means, I hope you are not seeking courtship and marriage to secure your financial stability that way. Humph! You do know that he can lose all the money tomorrow, right? That is life; no warranty. Ask the man next to you: there is no excitement in a take, take, take woman, just as much as women hate a take, take and no give man.

Young woman, you had better have your own financial plan and be comfortable spending that money on others sometimes too. If you have no transport money (I really want to keep disregarding this as a joke, but apparently it is a real trend), maybe you are not ready for the dating market yet. Focus on school and building a career, in that case.

‘No romance without finance’ used to be a mantra women chanted for men, but not anymore. Even for a generous man, the standard you set when he meets you is the standard of generosity he will afford you. If you cannot treat yourself to even one decent meal in an upmarket restaurant, putting your date on pressure to take you there is quite…interesting.

More importantly, you can drive yourself, on your own fuel, to that rendezvous. You can pay your own Uber, boda boda or taxi fare and not die, once you find the said man worth giving a chance. If anything, it gives you more power to walk out when you want to, say no to overtures you find preposterous and retain needed control in the relationship.

Granted, more young men today are on the prowl for women with heavy purses that they intend to empty and take off, but work on your judgement of character, in that case. 

Explore the joy of earning and spending your ka money… a generous man will be generous, regardless your income. And a stingy man will stay stingy no matter how desperately you try to squeeze even the toenails off him.

carol@observer.ug

Comments are now closed for this entry