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Sex Talk: Pray your car never roars past you!

However ‘irritating, unattractive and ungainly’ your spouse may currently be to you, remember someone outside your marriage would actually kill a little to have him or her.

And like a child who tires of a toy but does not want to see anyone else playing with it either, you just could be in for a rude awakening. And it gets worse: should, God-forbid, the person who finally wriggles their way into your spouse’s life for an “entanglement” knot his or her heartstrings thoroughly, you may never be able to measure up again. Ever.

So, be careful how you treat your spouse, just because you have been together for years and know each other’s heartbeats and complete each other’s sentences.

The number of neglected and lonely married people is on the increase, apparently. Some are too ashamed to admit it and would rather keep up appearances, others are simply resigned to the state of their marriage; the state of only one of them getting any sex these days. From elsewhere, of course.

But a day dawns and a lurking predator notices the lapse in attention and swoops in for the kill. Please, Totuwolomeranga (don’t bother wailing for us), as the Baganda say.

I once heard the crew on CBS FM’s Kaliisoliiso morning show joke that women are like used cars; you discard it thinking it is finished and DMC, only for the new owner to refurbish it, buy it new tyres and engine – so much so that you too stare at it covetously as it roars past. Well, they said that in Luganda of course… But isn’t it so true, not just about wives, but neglected husbands too?

I hear wives often complain about the amount of sex their husbands want to have in a month (one grumbled she had actually had enough sex in her marriage to last her a lifetime) but in the same breath fret about the possibility of their husbands looking at other women.

How is that even supposed to work?

Some neglected, rejected and sexually-starved spouses are real angels who faithfully stay put and pray that one day a miracle hits their beds.

Others quietly put themselves back on the market and are pleasantly surprised by the obsessed possibilities out there. The problem with the latter is that you may never regain traction in your marriage once the dangerous substitute has dribbled your balls [pun unintended] and scored in your posts. It is all up to you.

I have seen men, who neglect their wives, naively assert that sowing wild oats is a man’s turf, therefore women are incapable of cheating or even feeling horny no matter how long they go without sex. Hmm….

That reminds me of a news bulletin I watched on local TV, of a man who had abandoned his marital home for a year, only to pass by to check on them and find his wife entertaining her ‘entanglement’ (thank you Jada Pinkett Smith!) The resulting drama and high blood pressure are why the media were there with their cameras.

It is your responsibility to see that your spouse is sexually satisfied. Don’t let your marriage slip into a phase some people think is normal for marriages – where you start innocently sharing a bed like siblings, despite none of you having a sexual dysfunction.

Who is fooling whom? It could be similar to the couple that has agreed to go off sugar (things of staying healthy together) but one of them enjoys all the sugar they want at the office.

Make the sex work. Invest in date nights, tame your tongue, get away together, fix hygiene, change beds, beddings, wardrobe, sex positions…anything that will put the spark in your plugs again.


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