My friend and colleague Jackie Kamya last weekend tied the knot with her long-term sweetheart, Davies Shoo.
For the first time in the history of the column, I thought I would pay tribute to a couple whose love and journey I have witnessed with great admiration. Jackie, as you and Davies grew your small family, I was always hoping you would jump the broom and make it legal with an actual wedding, and last weekend, you did just that.
I can imagine some of the things you must have heard about marriage already!
Top of the list must be: ‘marriage has a way of jinxing a good sex groove’.
Many cohabiting couples actually fail to move to that ‘final base’ because of the fear, which is not exactly baseless, but is often fuelled by the couples themselves. The truth is, Jackie and Davies, couples let their hair down once the wedding is over; not a bad thing, but disastrous when you let the hair ‘all the way down’.
Davies, Jackie’s most admirable quality on this side of her life is her fierce loyalty to her work and team, and I know she brings not less than 100 per cent to your union too. Keep her interested.
Jackie, keep that man on his toes by looking great all the time and keeping aspects of your ‘girlfriend-fresh’ about you, even as you wholesomely transform into his wife. Davies, Jackie will still expect you to spoil her, use endearments and have time for her, even after the deal is sealed, signed and delivered.
In the bedroom, leave the adventure and sexiness at the audition levels I am sure you both have been keeping subconsciously, like many young, cohabiting couples – otherwise, things would have fallen apart long ago!
Do not take each other for granted sexually, just because you put a ring on it and “there is no more need for all the fuss”. A certain level of performance anxiety is healthy when it comes to sex, because being eager to please each other is what will fuel creativity, spontaneity and adventure where the quest for pink elephants is concerned.
Jackie, imagine seeing a guy you are seriously crushing on, but you are having a straight-from-nightmares day of bloating. So, instinctively, you tuck your stomach in, as close to your backbone as it can go and plaster on a wide smile, just to impress him. Then he exits the room and…whooooosh! You exhale and let everything hang out ungainly in different directions.
This is how I look at many newlyweds and the resultant vilification of, ‘the wedding killed our sex life’.
After years of tucking in (with high kicks and acrobatics in bed), they say ‘I do’ then exhale and leave things ‘to whom it may concern’.
That cannot be your story; hypothetically, keep those stomachs tucked in!
You should still care about how Jackie sees you, Davies, and vice versa. It should always be of great concern to you when she sees no pink elephants and an addition to your to-do list.
I know God is going to bless you immensely as He promises to favour the man who finds a wife and finds that good thing. Well, as you become busier, Davies, always make time for some good loving on your wife. And even as you proper, Jackie, keep it 100 per cent in the bedroom; don’t emasculate him, don’t become ‘too big’ for some bu treats in bed and, above all, do not allow yourselves to slip into a boring routine and monotony.
Your journey has started an exciting leg and this is me wishing you joy and happiness, and all the beribboned pink elephants God can unleash on your sex life!