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Enjoy the great outdoors without police sniffing you out

A lot was said – most of it angrily by people who harbour fantasies of taking their lovemaking into bushes – about the policemen who kept arresting couples caught making out in their cars.

One of them was a famous national team footballer, another one had actually parked his car in a bush, etc…

As they were shamed on Bukedde TV, questions arose whether now lovemaking should be limited to a locked bedroom. That is missionarily ideal; isn’t it also one of the problems with marriages? The lack of adventure, excitement and out-of-the-box living?

Of course there is a difference between enjoying one’s spouse with the great outdoors and elements cheering you on, and being an exhibitionist, plain and simple.

Because, if the police can stumble upon your car and its rocking shenanigans, so could any other passers-by. But if it means so much to you that nature once in a while plays voyeur to you and your spouse’s escapades, there are places no police sniffer dog will come looking.

Go camping. Especially in our national parks.

If your money allows, some of the safari lodges come with beautiful, secluded, tented cottages tucked away in trees, with the closest neighbour out of view.

Most of the cottages come with protected and raised balconies with lanterns strategically placed to keep wild animals at bay. So, no worries that you will come down from your ecstatic heights of counting the stars, only to discover that a leopard ate you...

Our ancestors took their wives to the bushes for a different dose of excitement away from the children; decades later, you should be thinking of doing things under the moonlight and stars in more conventional and civilised terms, naawe!

Take your wife/husband on that unforgettable weekend. Whether in Ugandan game parks or abroad, the in-thing now in safari lodge architecture seems to be the open-air showers, bathtubs and even toilets.

Indulge your other open-air needs similarly, without offensively trending on WhatsApp or in tabloids. I have seen parents raise five children and counting, in a one-room bedsitter. How any memorable sex happens in such quarters is a mystery. Yet it does; otherwise, the family would not be expanding at a fast rate.

Unfortunately that would also be the kind of couple that cannot afford to get away to a swanky lodge upcountry for any ‘refresher courses’.

That is why planning the family is paramount. Pop the children pole pole and within budget; that way, you don’t have to ‘give up’ your fantasies and a lot more, which has gifted us with super-resentful couples.

For those that can afford to take advantage of secluded balconies, tents and similar facilities where no one’s peace is disturbed, yet you do not, the monotony and boredom in your marriages is on you.

This is what they mean when they say marriage is hard work: before the family expanded, any room and space in the house was not out of bounds for getting it on. Then sex gradually became confined to your bedroom as the rest of the house joyfully filled up, and after a while this started to make the lovemaking feel and sound like a broken record.

It is partly why the culture of vacationing is common for Western families. Anything to get you out of the marital bedroom and bed, for a change. Couples return home from holiday poorer in the purse, but with spirits (and libidos) rejuvenated enough to drive the accumulation of yet more money.

Nothing kills drive and motivation to do anything than an unhappy marriage/home. So, reach for the stars, if you want. Literally.

carol@observer.ug

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