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Robert Mugabe excites Arsenal fans

Arsenal fans went bananas after the final whistle that saw them wallop Tottenham Hotspur football club in a monstrous English Premier League encounter last Saturday.

Despite the victory, the fans still turned their rage on manager Arsene Wenger. In fact, one senior Arsenal fan started collecting signatures to fire Wenger.

The bar revelers laughed as he petitioned his fellow Arsenal supporters to append their signatures on to the paper. We were all wondering where he would submit the signatures considering that the management of Arsenal didn’t even know or care about their existence. The fans weren’t even shareholders in Arsenal football club.

The conversation slowly shifted to Zimbabwe. The Arsenal fans started comparing Wenger to President Robert Mugabe. They felt Wenger had outlived the team. One of them joked that all the players weren’t born when he was appointed manager.

Another mentioned that Mugabe was in his adolescence when Wenger was appointed to coach Arsenal. We laughed out loud till one Robert Mugabe sympathizer suggested that we needed to feel his pain.

“The man’s CV has one job – president of Zimbabwe. How did they expect him to survive?” he questioned.

That’s when a man seated on my immediate left dedicated Diana King’s Lies to him because Mugabe was a teacher, farmer and academician, among other things before becoming president.

However, he didn’t know that he had lit a fire. Folks decided to create a music playlist for the troubled president.  

One woman dedicated Jim Reeves’ This World is not my Home to Mugabe. The man that was sharing a drink with her started singing: “Rock of ages cleft for me...” as revelers at the counter instantly joined; “…let me hide myself in thee.”

The Mugabe supporter suggested Aaliyah’s Age ain’t Nothing but a Number. He reasoned that aging didn’t mean he had run out of ideas. My friend noticed that I was doing more of listening and laughing.

He put me on the spot, and the bar revelers were all in agreement. They wanted to know what song I would dedicate to ‘uncle Bob’. Immediately, Over my Shoulders by Mike and the Mechanics came to my mind.

Some of them didn’t know the song; so, they asked the disco jockey to play it.

No sooner had it played than they all jumped in unison to the floor. The Arsenal fan, that was collecting the signatures, shouted: “This song is called I Never Wanted to say Goodbye.”

We laughed, and sang along: “Looking back over my shoulders, I can see the look in your eyes, I never dreamed it could be over, I never wanted to say goodbye…everybody told me you were leaving, funny I should be the last to know, baby please tell me that I’m dreaming, I just never wanted to say goodbye.”

By the time we left, Arsenal fans were the happiest and most high, thanks to Robert Mugabe.

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