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LET'S TALK SEX: Truth about love potions

I will never forget two incidences in this city that convinced me that love potions do more harm than good.
 
I am hesitant to say they don’t work, because they actually do – only temporarily. Call it witchcraft. When you call what you are doing to your husband ‘love potion’, you are only trying to give an evil act a romantic twist. But whom are we kidding here? It is plain old witchcraft all right! So you manage to play around with someone’s karma for a few months and through this spiritual manipulation, you get them to do exactly what you want in bed and beyond. But guess what, the day you reach the end of your rope in this – because you always most certainly do – brace yourself for some ugly times.
 
I know there is a bulk of people in this city who go, “oh come off it!” when anyone so much as talks about these things, but get it from a staunch Christian here: the dark world and Satanism is for real. And that is why we need Jesus, who is the light; otherwise there would be absolutely no need!
 
Anyway, back to the unfortunate incidences.
Incidence number one: A girl at Makerere University was advised by her friend to do something to help her rich boyfriend zoom faster in the commitment direction. What they had going was good by any standards. Her man loved her and doted on her but in a time when not many university girls had guys with cars, her friend felt she was risking too much by having him run around without a ring or caveat of sorts.
The plan from the witchdoctor they visited went thus: the girl was to shave off all her pubic hair, roast and pound it, then mix it with the witchcraft and serve with the tea leaves on his tea!

As luck would have it, the girl executed the plan to the dot and served the mixture with her boyfriend’s African tea. When he removed the flask lid, alas! There they were; roasted, yes, but still curly and locky as all African pubes come, floating on top of the milk! I still feel goose bumps when I imagine that girl’s embarrassment!

From a relationship that was working like clockwork, to the door slamming hard against her butt as the boyfriend threw her out.
Incidence number two: A friend takes a girl to see a witchdoctor to help ‘fix’ a philandering husband. The witchdoctor handed her some leaves. She was to squeeze some into her vagina every night before she had sex with her husband, to make her exceptionally ‘delicious’ and thus turn him off all other women.

But again as luck would have it, the leaves were discovered by mister himself under the pillow as madam did some last minute touch-ups in the bathroom. She walked back into the bedroom to a thunderous beating that made her confess what the leaves were about…and if she needed anything else to throw him into a waiting girl’s arms; that did it.

Of course those are cases of girls who get caught. Those who don’t, get away with it for a while, until the spell wears off and the real marriage begins.
See, you cannot fix bad sex with a potion. You cannot make someone love you if they don’t and neither can you block someone from his or her true love using voodoo. It is a matter of time before the false charm wears off, just like a toxic drink.

Look at it this way; if your judgement can be impaired by a few drinks, how about doses of other toxins administered carefully over a period of time? And like the few drinks, when these other charms meant to impair your judgement wear off – because they always do – you are left feeling like you have a spiritual ‘hangover’. Just like you would turn around and stare in mortification at this stranger in your bed to whom you were drunkenly whispering sweet nothings just hours earlier, you may wake up to stare at this stranger you married a few months ago and think: “What the heck…!”
I hear people say they don’t remember a thing about their weddings and the run-up to them… It makes me smile sadly.

So if yours is such a marriage, one made in a shrine, then I don’t know why we are debating how to make the sex therein work. Impossible!
You know what they say; you can take a horse to the stream but you cannot force it to drink.
Interestingly, the practice is no longer about level of education or exposure. You will be surprised at the number of men and women in the so-called corporate offices who spend their days off in shrines because they want to hook this guy or that chick, or make their spouses love them and desire them, or even make the boss promote them!
 
Women are ‘marinating’ their meats with menstrual blood for sex solutions; others are boiling used pads with the broth before serving at mealtime. Many weird things by the way… Don’t be shocked when you find half your wardrobe in a witchdoctor’s shrine in a desperate attempt to make a manipulative marriage work.

Look, go easy on yourself. There are no lasting remedies in the so-called love potions.
Besides, all it takes to counter darkness is introducing the light – Jesus Christ – in any marriage. You don’t have to shove leaves up your vagina for an orgasm; call upon the blood of Jesus. You don’t have to render your man impotent every time he looks at another girl; plead the blood of Jesus.
Do I hear an Amen anyone?

carol@observer.ug

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