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Sex talk: Afterglow just as important to women

Hello, Mr Man. I’m here to inform you that some of the things you expect from your wife after lovemaking were not etched in stone.

Yes, the ssengas of yesteryears probably never envisioned an era where bedrooms would have ensuite bathrooms, kitchenettes, mini sitting rooms, but well...ta-da!

Why are you still insisting on those tiny after-sex rituals that the Baganda especially, insisted on for centuries, where a well-loved wife, instead of cuddling with her man and basking in the warm dust of those receding pink elephants and that climbdown from cloud nine, was instead dashing around the bedroom ‘dry-cleaning’ her husband and changing the bedsheets without having him get up?

The period after making love and how you handle it, is behind some of the greatest bonds a marriage can boast of. Allow yourselves to process and fall asleep together – after a shower, if you are that ‘whatever phobe’ – but let the beauty and joy of what you just shared sink in, or even allow for ‘seconds, please’.

But like auto-programmed robots, many a good wife will jump out of the marital bed the moment her husband rolls over, then start hustling and bustling around the bedroom to make sure he is as satisfied with the post-match experience as he was with the match itself.

Hmmm... what do you lose sir, if one of these days you reverse roles and instead, make sure it is your wife who is pampered in bed after some good loving? Once you have cuddled and slept the workout off, you too can clean her up, or lead her to the shower, feed her in bed...

You won’t die. How you treat your wife before, during and after the sex will very much determine what her contribution will be during those meet-ups where married women mostly trash their husbands. Oh yes. Women talk about everything. But in each of those meetings, there is usually the quiet, curious wife just laughing along; that is the one with a good, satisfactory marriage.

Cause some changes in your marriage, if the status quo seems not to be favouring both of you. My friend told me that decades ago in Busoga, polygamous men had their wives carry them on their backs from the outdoors bathroom to the bedroom (depending on whose turn it was to share his bed), just so he would not have the irritating feel of dirty feet between the sheets.

And after making love, similar to Buganda, the wives were also encouraged to ‘clean up after themselves’ as soon as possible. And just like that, the two most important sessions of lovemaking for the average woman – foreplay and affectionate attention afterwards – were compromised by a husband’s needs, despite him already getting most of his benefits from the penetrative sex.

What a total lack of understanding about women’s bodies and what is truly important to them, sexually!

Where that husband had the opportunity to score points with his wife (and be bragged about at the well as ‘quite something else’ in bed) he was busy making her run laps and errands!

Who would blame those wives for thinking about sex as a punishing chore, also considering that probably only a handful ever experienced the true joys of an orgasm!

My friend told me that according to the Busoga old wives’ tales, that ritual of carrying one’s husband to bed ended when stubborn wives much younger than their husbands, learnt how to conveniently trip and – oops! – land with their old husbands’ fragile backs on the ground.

The husbands started investing in wooden slippers (mikalabanda in Luganda), and sanity was restored; otherwise, how could foreplay include carrying one’s husband to bed??

And now with master bedrooms having ensuite bathrooms, so many things should be simplified to allow one’s wife to catch a break too, and have something to write home about the sex in her marriage.

Whatever she does sexually as an add-on should be a willing act of love, gratitude and devotion, not a mandatory expectation/routine that determines whether she passes or fails in bed. Coach her into a different mindset.

caronakazibwe@gmail.com

Comments

0 #1 apollo 2024-04-08 22:51
If a cultural practice is harmful to a relationship, then it should be expunged from the practices.

However, if a cultural practice reinforces the marriage, then it should be encouraged, in spite of the ensuite facilities found in modern bedrooms.

An attempt at casting away a good practice can easily be considered rebellious and detrimental to the marriage.
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