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Sex Talk: Take care of your cover

I am one of the people that loves judging books by their covers. Unapologetically so.

Yet I am also aware that a book cover can be terribly deceptive. For example, I have discovered from years of writing this column that it is not true that men’s shoe sizes or heights, for that matter, have anything to do with their endowment or performance elsewhere.

I have heard interesting tales from wives to shorter men, with one even saying she is in the habit of tipping her husband for how well he performs his duties. I have seen the man, about whom I have heard horrifying stories regarding his personal hygiene and disgusting preferences during sexual intercourse, yet outwardly, the dude looks and dresses so immaculately.

I also know that woman that countless men drool over because of how perfect her body, style and looks are, but the lucky one she chose is in therapy because of how dull and uninterested she turned out to be, when it comes to marriage and sex.

It makes me think about Ghanaian online influencer Wode Maya, who on Monday posted on X (formerly Twitter): “Zebras are beautiful but donkeys are taken home. Have you wondered why?”

Yes, I am aware of all the problems that come with going with the book cover, but still, first impressions are everything; so, make some effort, especially you who are still in the market searching for the right ones. I see someone driving forcefully and selfishly during slow traffic, and I wonder whether s/he is that impatient, flippant and selfish in bed...

I see someone driving a battered car with its parts hanging loose and the colour and body damaged in many places, and wonder if their homes and private spaces are faring any better. A female driver I encountered in a roundabout viciously quarreling with and hooting at different drivers left me thinking: “Oh, her poor husband!”

I know, all these may be simply unconscious biases on my part, but the truth is, they count for many people. One man said he invited a prospective candidate for the position of his wife over to his home and bought her a kilogram of kikalayi pork.

“The girl demolished the entire thing alone within minutes, and to me that was the reddest flag. I cut all communication afterwards,” he said. So, why did he buy her a whole kilogram then [eye roll!]?

Poor woman was possibly keen on not wasting food, but does not eat that much on a normal day; or, she really loved pork... Well, her potential suitor did not stick around long enough to find out.

Just like the one that ate ten boiled eggs from a vendor sheltering with her and her suitor, as the rain poured in the city centre. I think because men have a natural instinct to be providers, seeing a woman work her way through food faster than a swarm of locusts scares them a bit.

Few stay long enough to find out if it was a one-off; that she possibly has less hungry days. I have been put off in the past by a suitor’s table manners – eating while food flew out the corners of his mouth and talking with a full mouth, with sauce dripping down his chin. I could not stop wondering what else he approached with similar carelessness when it came to intimacy.

Like I said, chances are high that the book’s cover is misleading about the contents, but the fact remains that covers influence buyers. Big time.

caronakazibwe@gmail.com

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