Log in
Updated few hours ago

Sex Talk: This is what porn is doing to your marriage

Young people now speak freely about their stash of pornography – be it books, TBs of pornographic content on hard drives, or adult websites watched on the office desktops and wifi.

Even during a heavy traffic jam, peep and see what your neighbour in the taxi is watching with headsets on his/her phone. But that is the beginning of so many troubles in marriages and relationships today. Unrealistic expectations. Myths being taken for fact. Ignorance about the human body and how it functions.

Trivializing orgasms and one’s ability to get one. Introduction of masturbation or fast, independent self-pleasuring that one’s spouse can never measure up to. Just like a special group of people who believe WWE wrestling is real, there are also many people who believe pornography is real and thus the standard for lovemaking, putting their spouses on unnecessary pressure.

Now some couples cannot do anything in their marital bed unless a porn video is playing...as though being coached through the steps. Not only is it very likely that one of you is lying about the genuineness of their orgasm, but you are also a few steps away from completely crippling your natural stimuli and sexual response to your spouse.

I have already heard sob stories about this; so, if you don’t yet have a porn addiction, run for your marriage. If your spouse still turns you on without the X-rated visual aids, stay away from them. If you are too far gone but don’t want to lose your marriage, find professional help, fast.

One young Ugandan marriage ended in divorce when the husband was caught numerous times stealthily masturbating on the floor of their bedroom, while neglecting his wife sexually. The wife said he had become addicted to pornography, and when she refused to replicate activities, positions or even the sensuality portrayed in his adult videos, he gradually became bored with her and switched to masturbation.

Naomi Wolf concurs on the dangers of pornography, in her book, Vagina: A New Biography.

“Porn is leading young men to become poorer lovers to women, and, more specifically, training young men to mishandle or ignore the vagina,” she writes.

Look at it this way: if you are a Christian, who cannot talk to God independently unless a radio or TV evangelist is guiding you and you simply follow along with a fervent ‘Amen!’ and ‘Yes, Lord!’ would you stand up to be counted among people who know how to pray?

You have allowed your prayer life to be crippled by your addiction to being spiritually propped up by someone else. Similarly, many people have crippled their marriages by allowing themselves to become dependent and addicted to pornography.

This is not just about men. Many married women in Kampala have a collection of dildos in all shapes, sizes and colours, to give themselves orgasms quickly and ‘skillfully’; orgasms that may be elusive during sex with their husbands.

“When I was having marital trouble, one of these women advised me to leave my husband to do as he wished, while I joined their group of corporate, married, young women who depended on pornography, lesbian sex within the group, and vibrators for their sexual pleasure!” one wife once shared with me.

Anyway, just remember, you are no porn star; you are still the same, ordinary ‘Deo waabwe’ with normal limitations and still so much to learn about life, love and intimacy. Allow yourself that.

Just as you are able to watch Superman and not go flying off buildings of your own, use the same discernment about all acted films if you must watch them. It is just another actor earning their pay.

caronakazibwe@gmail.com

Comments

0 #1 apollo 2024-03-25 13:20
Glad you tackled this matter.
Addiction, of any kind, is a jail you will find impossible to break out of. It will take you further than you ever want to go, keep you longer that you ever want to stay, and cost you much, much more than you will ever want to pay.
Report to administrator

Comments are now closed for this entry