I love reading and I have an interesting collection of books concerning the topics of marriage and sex, which I regularly quote from or get inspiration from.
A few people have borrowed them, and others regularly ask me to recommend literature that could help them figure out their spouses. I cannot give you the entire list, but will share my favourites.
The Act of Marriage, by Tim & Beverly LaHaye
This, after a recommendation by a sister from Botswana, is my latest read. First published in 1976, it is a revered handbook of sorts on marriage and sex.
Many people, especially women, have no clue how their bodies work or what they want. Read this book. Also, many men don’t know how to pleasure a woman – which is the main reason why many women don’t enjoy sex. Tim and Beverly LaHaye got you!
The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman
I loved this book, and go back to it often whenever I encounter writer’s block. Gary Chapman will help you understand your spouse and how to fit into your spouse’s needs and preferences.
He argues that everyone has a unique love language – it could be acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation or physical touch.
It is unlikely that two people in a committed relationship can have the exact same love language. But the different languages and learning to ‘speak’ one another’s languages is what makes for beautiful compromises and lasting unions. It is a book easily available in hard copy and online.
Vagina: A New Biography, by Naomi Wolf
A good friend lent me his copy and I am taking good care of it. Unlike many writers on the subject of sex, Naomi Wolf’s work is not from the point of view of a psychologist or counsellor, but rather one of scientific research.
It is a book that will give you many ‘aha!’ moments, as it explains in scientific detail why a woman’s body works the way it does, when it comes to sex.
For men who always ask: ‘What do women really want?’ this is your book. It features interviews and case studies, and contrary to your fears, it is not difficult to read or comprehend. I have a hardcopy, but this book originally published in 2012 is readily available for Kindle and other e-readers.
Becoming One, by Joe Beam
Author Joe Beam is a marriage counsellor with a Christian background, based in the USA. So, if you are one of those people that blush and feel flustered at the mention of the word sex, Becoming One is your book.
From a Christian approach, Beam will tell you how to truly bond with your spouse physically, emotionally and spiritually. Where Naomi Wolf will give it to you in black and white, Joe Beam adds soft colours to cater to your sensitivities, while driving his point home.
Making Marriage Work, by Joyce Meyer
Possibly my favourite, this book is not all sex, but has a whole chapter on the subject, delivered with evangelist Joyce Meyer’s trademark wit and personal testimony.
In other chapters, the book goes into other issues besides sex, which can make or break a marriage. If you want to know how your spouse’s temperament (sanguine, melancholic, phlegmatic or choleric) affects you and the relationship, this book is thorough.
A sanguine (social, optimistic temperament) can marry a choleric (short-tempered, irritable temperament), and until you understand the ways in which the two of you are naturally different but can also complement each other, that marriage can implode. Get the book; I found my copy at Aristoc, years ago.
Hot Sex: How To Do It, by Tracey Cox
Australian author and psychologist Tracey Cox was one of my early influences when I started writing this column. She is very knowledgeable and respected in this field, and there are basically no holds barred, and no topic is off-limits to her style of writing. There are hardcopies and e-books of her works.