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Sex Talk: Be sure it is not you...

Infertility is generally defined as the inability to get pregnant, despite having carefully-timed, unprotected sex for one year.

Before you accuse your spouse of anything and put any labels on his/her forehead for the world to scorn, are you sure you have been trying for a year, taking advantage of all the perfect timing and being available for the most important part of procreation – the sex?

I am convinced, many women are not even infertile, but circumstances surrounding their marriages have labelled them unfairly and pushed them beyond an age limit where the processes become harder and expensive.

So, just to remind you:


It will not happen by magic. If you are taking all the love and sex elsewhere, but expect your wife to bear the fruit of the womb, you are a joke.

Some couples grappling with infertility are in asexual marriages, where sex happens once in a blue moon, but the poor wife still walks around with unfortunate labels. And in many cases, such a wife will be loyal to a fault, not disclosing that her husband is hardly available for sex, and when he is, usually it is a case of ‘waaka wa mbwa’ (in Bobi Wine’s Kyarenga voice).

Be nice, the babies you both want will take a joint effort of doing the deed at the right time, in the right way!


Speaking of the right time, it is interesting seeing how many people actually still have no clue how a woman’s menstrual cycle works, to create safe windows and unsafe windows. Thank God for the Internet, you can teach yourself these things within minutes, but just know, women’s eggs do not lie around 24 hours, 30 days a month, waiting to be fertilized as and when you avail your sperm.

Like a gun without a bullet in the chamber, there are many days in a woman’s 28-day cycle (could be more, could be less) when she is basically a beautifully functional gun, but no bullet has been loaded in her chamber yet, so firing that gun would be useless.

Generally speaking, a woman will not get pregnant two to three days before her menstrual period starts and up to eight days from the day of commencement of the period. After that, she will have a window period of about 12 to 14 days, depending on her cycle length, when she can get pregnant, due to several circumstances.

For example, sperm can live in her body for up to 72 hours, hoping to fertilize something; chances of ovulation finding active sperm hanging around are good for conceiving.

And when a woman releases an egg during ovulation, that egg stays viable for 12 to 24 hours, where again, God’s magic of procreation can happen. I could never exhaust this topic here, but please read up online by yourself.

Just know, there are high chances that it is mister who is always away hustling during the safe days (to get pregnant) and around to demand for conception on unsafe days (too close to her period). Correct the timing.


Above all, make sure that it is not your gun loaded with rubber bullets, yet you are heaping all the blame on ‘madam’. Did you read The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives? Hmm...

It is very possible for a perfectly potent man to make love to his wife and ejaculate as expected, but when his semen has zero sperm to attend to his wife’s perfectly healthy eggs.

Experience and media have taught us that ‘siring’ children outside the marriage is not a sure-fire indicator that a man is fertile and his wife is not. It may be an indicator that the women he lies around with are simply ‘smarter than his wife’.

If you know, you know.


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