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Sex talk: Secret life of a side dish

There is a strange movement in town.

Women who pride in sleeping with married men with ‘no strings attached’ and then go on social media to brag about their conquests and rub the scorned wives’ noses in their actions. The things social media has dragged to our doorsteps!

I never thought I would actually see the day the side dish marched down streets proudly waving a banner. Because that is the only way I can describe what they do on their Facebook pages.

Now, researchers have put out various studies that claim women’s perception of sex is quite different from men’s.

In that while men are wired to be able to casually have sex and not get emotionally attached, women cannot divorce their emotions from what happens to their bodies sexually. Unless you are in the business of sex and have mastered the art of ignoring any niggling connections to clients…

“There is so much variability in women’s sexual wiring. In contrast, the male pelvic neural network, which concludes in a comparatively very regular, almost schematised grid of neural pathways – a circle of pleasure around the penis – seems to be much simpler,” Naomi Wolf writes in her Vagina: A New Biography.

“This greater sexual neural complexity in women is because we have both reproductive and sexual parts, such as the cervix and uterus, that men don’t have.”

No two women are wired exactly the same way, she writes. So, the amount of hormones running around a woman’s body before, during and after sex, cannot allow us to go about it in a ‘to whom it may concern’ way, whether we want to or not.

Yet many marriages have the legal papers and rings, even as all the sex is happening outside the union with women who claim: “I just want the sex; keep your man and his love.”

Who is lying to whom? Who is playing whom?

Men can get away unscathed with these games; you, madam, are only breaking yourself, gradually. You will definitely want more, sooner than later. And the dude may not be capable of giving it.

That is when what started as a casual fling gives way to darker, unbelievable evils in the quest for more than just side dish sex. A famous side dish I will never forget turned up for the main dishes’ vows renewal, which came with a huge wedding reception that I attended.

Side dish flitted from table to table in a ridiculously provocative dress, assuring mutual friends: “Oh, she can have the rings; I have the man!”

Well, she lost that man, but found her own richer one along the way and got married. And now, karma is truly such a b*tch; she is one of those wives constantly engaged in a war of words with the ‘proud side dishes’ on Facebook because, yes, they sank their claws into her husband and latched!

Another one claimed on Facebook she was not interested in marriage because it came with too much baggage and just wanted no-strings-attached relationships with married men.

Soon she was fighting to the death, to edge one wife out of her marriage, because she realised she wanted more. And she won.

Sadly for her, the dude still enjoys being ‘stolen’. And when she rants about his stressful ways on the sexual network, I just come short of reminding her about the foundation of her marriage.

So, glory in being a pin on the sexual network knowing well that it is a matter of time before your heart gets heavily invested in what happens between your sheets.

And there are no guarantees that your investment will be appreciated or reciprocated, because you are dealing with a human being wired differently from you when it comes to casual sex.

When push comes to shove, he will still choose his wife.

carol@observer.ug

Comments

+1 #1 Stewart 2018-03-13 16:28
Agreed, my wife is my wife, MY QUEEN, the mother of my children, messing her means messing my children, an act I can't afford.
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-1 #2 WADADA rogers 2018-03-13 16:54
My dear sister Carolyn Nakazibwe, certainly, you sound like somebody who studied literature and in a very good school. Bravo.

That said, am really sorry about what you have gone through, i mean this story being written inversely as if you are talking about somebody else, pouring out your heart must have given you some relief.

Yours is such a painful story but i love the fact that you have chosen to write about it generally. Am glad you came out of this victoriously, your tormentors are feeling the pain.
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0 #3 Muntu 2018-03-14 05:15
Who said this is Carols story? Please assume not!

And even if you knew the details of her personal life, this is not the space to show that knowledge!

Carol, nice piece


Quoting WADADA rogers:
My dear sister Carolyn Nakazibwe, certainly, you sound like somebody who studied literature and in a very good school. Bravo.

That said, am really sorry about what you have gone through, i mean this story being written inversely as if you are talking about somebody else, pouring out your heart must have given you some relief.

Yours is such a painful story but i love the fact that you have chosen to write about it generally. Am glad you came out of this victoriously, your tormentors are feeling the pain.
Report to administrator

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