Logo

Your porn addiction carries many dangers

 

I remember decades ago when a certain class of fathers had to sneak around with rare copies of Sports Illustrated and Playboy magazines.

Those published-for-men magazines were the only place one could find near-nude pictures of women and kick-start all kinds of weird fantasies.

It was also the dedicated job of the teenage sons of such fathers to uncover their daddies’ stash of dirty magazines and share them with their buddies at school as the girls were busy cramming the hottest songs’ lyrics from Smash Hits magazine.

For the more affluent families that could afford a VCR, the occasional videotape with blue movies, as they were called, was also not a rarity.

But considering that not many homes even owned a television set, pornography was not particularly a headache to parents and marriages.

Today? Switch on the TV, DVDs, streaming sites, smartphone apps, name it; the X-rated images are everywhere. Children have TVs in their bedrooms and unlimited WiFi for their gadgets.

And pornography is slowly becoming a serious pandemic and its toll on marriages and sex lives therein is real. Men expect their wives to deliver like porn stars in bed, because they believe everything they see in those movies.

If you are into pornography, you don’t even have any idea what you are introducing into your marriage!

Away from expecting your spouse to measure up to the porn stars you know just as well as you know your favourite WWF stars, you will soon feel your spouse is just not enough for you, sexually.

Now you want your wife to swing from the chandelier during lovemaking and magically grow a more voluptuous pair of breasts; or you madam, demanding that your husband delivers ‘his services’ like he just stepped out of a chapter of 50 Shades Of Grey – a great romance story that was sadly eclipsed by an overkill on the erotica side.

I read through the first book in that trilogy, but chickened out of reading the other two. Eh!

Anyway, that trilogy became such an issue, as the novels were a big hit with particularly women around the world.

Even televangelist Dr Creflo Dollar once hilariously weighed in on the Christian Grey problem during one of his sermons, telling wives not to ask their husbands to tie them up or whip them during sex, unless they could quote biblical scripture supporting that!

People take what they see in pornography too seriously and then put undue pressure on their spouses to measure up.

Before they know it, they are looking for someone on the outside whose physique and general disposition seems to promise the pornographic experience; like that, they blow up their marriages. One wife repeatedly woke up in the middle of the night to find her husband of a few years masturbating right there, with her by his side.

Never mind that he had been incapable of making love to her for months on end and she was worried she had a problem.

On digging deeper behind his preference for masturbation was a pornography addiction she had no clue about and could not rival.

After repeated attempts to trouble-shoot their marriage and failing, she moved out. Like my friend noted, it is an even bigger problem among teenagers and youth, thanks to the information explosion.

I worry for them when time comes to settle down and marry. They have set themselves unrealistic standards and expectations of the sex. Away from the “lights, camera and action!” reality is very different; so, don’t set yourself up for failure.

Because, no matter how much your spouse tries to bring it on, you will be expecting more where spirituality, cultures and bodies are not built to deliver. Do the best version of your own thing and let your spouse authentically respond to that.

carol@observer.ug

© 2016 Observer Media Ltd