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Sex talk: Less is more, ladies!

 

As last year wound up, a WhatsApp joke made its way to my phone, alluding to some women wearing too much makeup that kissing their foreheads tastes like kissing an alkaline battery.

Just remembering that makes me chuckle. But the author had a point. Go easy on the makeup this New Year, dear wives (well, and all ye metrosexual husbands…), as one of the strategies to fulfil that resolution to make marriage great again.

Don’t insist on makeup that conforms to a Western standard of beauty, but most likely leaves you looking, tasting and smelling like an alien.

Some of these products are so heavy they block any traces of pheromones right at the source. Scientists say these natural chemicals that spearhead attraction and sexual connection are concentrated in the hair follicles wherever they are strongest on your body – so, your scalp, armpit, genitals or even chest and bearded areas.

But then again, those are the areas we usually concentrate on with cosmetic products to enhance looks. All one smells these days during a cuddle is a combination of different chemicals as pressed from an assortment of tubes and sprayed from different bottles on your dressing table.

Scientists say, some scents are compatible with our pheromones and help us project even more strongly, others not at all and only work against our naturalness.

In fact, many a husband know better than to ‘romantically’ bury the nose in an African wife’s permed mane, let alone run fingers through it. His nose will be rewarded with a greasy smear and may pick up zero natural scent from his wife’s scalp – the kind said to naturally intoxicate, thanks to pheromones.

Unless your madam keeps her hair natural, minimally oiled, and very clean. When it comes to skin…ho! We love our cosmetics.

One woman finally got her man to pop the question after living together for close to 15 years. As she set about readying herself for the wedding, the exquisitely beautiful, dark woman started bleaching her face to conform to Western standards of ‘stunning’ on her big day.

On her wedding day, she was hardly recognisable. I felt for her husband, because not many men can voice such concerns without disastrous results. On top of her suddenly very light complexion coupled with the false eyelashes and heavy makeup, she was like another person altogether!

So, do we ditch our glamorous looks this year in the name of great sex? No. Just be more mindful of the stakes. Some lip-gloss and lipsticks are more kiss-friendly than others. Find them and look good and taste even better.

Men say they find it sexy when their wives change things up every so often and wear makeup to get a desired effect from them, but not as an everyday heavy affair.

On askmen.com, one man said he hates the smell and taste of makeup, but appreciates when his missus uses it once in a while to jumpstart things and keep him guessing.

Most important: don’t cake it on; use it to accentuate your good features and minimise flaws, but not to leave you looking like you are wearing a mask.

As for the hair, if treated, under a weave or braids, wash it regularly and only oil lightly. Few things are as off-putting – even to a fellow woman – as the smell of filthy hair.

How is your husband supposed to make love to you while minding to keep your head at arm’s length?

I have seen miserable, dirty-looking weave-ons and wondered why the wearers do not just chop the hair off, if the going has gotten that tough! Because after a certain point, the long, poorly-kept artificial mane does not accentuate, but distorts your looks.

Women argue that the cosmetic look is not really for their husbands; it is for them to feel good and confident about themselves. I agree; just be mindful of the ripple effect your personal choices may have on the intimate chambers of your marriage.

carol@observer.ug

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