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The idiocy of staying up top

The last two weeks have been pure entertainment!

There was the Kampala International Theatre festival that most of you knew nothing about (or you would have come!) and then Zimbabwe gave us quality TV time with a pretend non-coup!

My favourite episode was Mugabe’s address to the nation where everyone expected him to resign, but instead he said a lot of nothing that insinuated that he most likely was still president.

However, if you watched the army officers’ faces, you saw the same expression of bored indulgence. They knew something we didn’t. Then Mugabe finally resigned, supposedly on his terms and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. That was so boringly typical! A true man’s man!

You all don’t like to lose. Even when you have been caught with your pants down in broad daylight, you will find excuses and perform the most ridiculous stunts to ensure that you still, somehow come up top. If it wasn’t your fault, then someone else’s actions forced you into that decision – and that is if you even accept that you have done wrong.

But I digress. Back to Mugabe: All my life, I can only recall two men who confessed they had been dumped but even then, both were adamant they didn’t know why. Maybe, they truly were clueless. Fair enough.

Every other man I know, even if he were that very moment texting the woman to beg for forgiveness and plead his case, would assure you he was in complete control and on the verge of being the one to leave the relationship.

Maybe, it is a macho thing that requires you to win or it is a delusional thing that makes you think only you should win… Whatever it is, it is petty and annoying!

And like Zimbabwe, most of us girls do not care what it takes to be rid of a man who has outlived his usefulness. He wants to tell everyone he did the dumping, set the terms of the breakup – wants every gift back, he wants first dibs on mutual friends and hangout places or even demands half the rent for the time you stayed with him… fine!

Here’s the thing that some men don’t get. We will ignore, excuse and forgive all sorts of crap for a relationship we hope is going somewhere; and by the time we want out, we have run out of hope and excuses. A little dignity and pride is a very small price to pay for a clean break.

So, you trash the girl’s reputation to justify leaving her or call it an amicable break-up when you were truly honestly dumped. You set terms that make you seem in control and think you will keep her from moving on… too late!

She most likely already did! There might be a new man or none at all, but she is rid of you and that is good enough!

Besides, everyone else knows the whole truth! Only you are convinced that you can cover your nakedness with your bare hands… and you look more ridiculous for it!

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