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Sex talk: Maybe what you need is an erotic ‘fast’

It is true that regular, good sex will keep your marriage afloat at many levels – not just the physical release of it – and one way to make sure that sex stays good, is by doing the opposite.

Taking time out. If you have the discipline to pull it off. It is not simply taking a break altogether but, rather, engaging in a different form of making love that involves no penetration or sex as you may have known it for the duration of your marriage.

Practicing Tantra allows you to reawaken other senses without allowing either one of you to see the finish line. It will teach you more about foreplay, especially the husbands who have no idea why their wives are not simply in awe of their “superb endowment and stop complaining about other things”.

With Tantric sex, the intimacy is there, all right, but without that final lap to a finish line. Deliberately. Sex therapists use Tantra to help couples struggling with sexual boredom, but also, some couples have adopted it as a way to keep the pace for the marriage.

Allow yourselves a couple of weeks of teasing and physical contact in all forms, but exercise self control when it comes to opening the doors to any pink elephants, unless they pleasantly surprise you by barging in during the exercise. For the period agreed on, your spouse is allowed all kinds of contact, as long as they don’t involve penetration.

I wrote about tantric sex once and one wife feared that practicing “something so dangerously erotic without finishing what I started may send my husband into cheating”.

Well, judge the dynamics of your marriage first. Naturally. But I know couples that comfortably practice Tantra regularly and it has made them better lovers in their marriages.

Yes, because of past hurts and infidelities, it is understandable if one spouse becomes quite insecure about testing his/her marriage’s sex life in this way. But if your marriage has risen above such insecurities, do try Tantra. It will be worth it.

You need to remind each other of how intoxicating just a simple look, innuendo-loaded word, touch or cuddle, once was.

Progress to erotic massages, kissing and more liberties, while still stopping short of writing the conclusion. The day you mutually agree to finally go all the way will be unforgettable as pent-up emotions and energy are released; as you discover the joy of looking forward to satisfying your spouse and getting something out of it as well.

You will find yourself preparing elaborately, as opposed to taking things for granted as usual. That will be rejuvenating for the marriage for months to come and should you feel a slump again, work out another timetable.

I think of Tantra as a fast when it comes to lovemaking. Just like a food fast comes with spiritual and health benefits, so will Tantric sex have its own set of benefits for your marriage.

Now, of course I have to issue a disclaimer: I don’t think it can work just as efficiently in polygamous situations, where only one wife holds back and the husband has the ability to “quench his thirst” with any of his other wives.

And in marriages where sexual honesty and faithfulness are a distant myth, Tantric attempts will be at your own risk…

Also, I am keeping in mind the fact that many marriages are already going through a sex drought. However, if there is a sex drought but your love for each other and investment in the marriage are not under question, you can still use Tantra to make it rain again!

Otherwise, all factors being constant, talk about your sex life and how you can make it better using Tantra. Start with a reasonable period, then for other future attempts, you can increase that period.

carol@observer.ug

Comments   

0 #1 MS 2017-11-30 23:06
I believe Tantra can't be reduced to a couples-only-eye-gazing experience.

There are many alternate interpretations of this ancient practice (e.g., the solo-male focused website RitualsForTantra). But it's still good to read about this spiritual/sexual practice getting more news coverage.
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