Don’t settle for less than great sex, because many things hinge on it.
Husbands have an easier time enjoying sex and achieving orgasms compared to their wives; so, forgive me gentlemen for focusing this more on the fairer sex that reports more struggles in the marital bed.
Wives sometimes give up on sex altogether due to how their spouses selfishly approach lovemaking; others, because they fail to find their voice before and during sex, remain hapless for decades about what their bodies truly prefer.
But I was pleasantly surprised to find literature that actually supports my mythical pink elephants – the only way I attempt to describe the euphoria that comes with an orgasm or great sex.
Great sex is supposed to leave a woman’s life rocking on its axis. And if every loving husband made it his business to at least once in a while knock his wife off that axis, the world would be full of happier wives.
Low self-esteem, grumpiness, low productivity, etc among wives all have zero or unsatisfactory lovemaking to blame. American researcher and author Naomi Wolf set out to get answers on whether “really special sex – sex that engages the vagina, emotions and body in very specific ways – actually leads to female euphoria, creativity and self-love”.
In various email correspondences, Wolf’s female respondents agreed they were at their most creative, most confident and most inspired, when they experienced fulfilling lovemaking, as opposed to the bedroom gymnastics many a wife will quickly write off as “just another household chore” that yields no grinning pink elephants and leaves one feeling rather used.
In Wolf’s book, Vagina: A New Biography, she quotes a 40-something-year-old Patrice as saying: “Wow. Oh, definitely. I can have perfectly fine sex most of the time, fine orgasms, and what you are talking about does not happen. But then, once in a while, there are those amazing times just after sex like that, you feel – oh things are electric! And you have insights about your work. It is like you get some kind of superpowers. And you just want to run a marathon, or write an opus. Climb the Alps!”
Of course there should be no burden to make the sex uniformly good each time. Every couple has its good days and ‘off’ days; just ensure the sex has a good average score, overall.
“It is not every time…because you would never want to do anything else. If it happened every time, you would never get out of bed,” Wolf quotes Patrice.
Wolf credits important neurotransmitter dopamine, for these pink-elephant moments that easily differentiate the wife ‘getting some’ regularly, from the one ‘resigned to her drought’.
One of them will have a spring in her step, the other a sting in her tongue…
“Dopamine is the ultimate feminist chemical in the female brain.”
Dopamine, together with the hormone oxytocin and naturally created opioids released before, during and after good lovemaking, can unleash a whole new wife from that marital bed, given a chance.
Indeed, according to a report in UK’s The Guardian, older couples that maintain a healthy sex life stay mentally sharper compared to their counterparts who hung up their gloves somewhere after 50.
It is never too late to go after your God-given right to enjoyable, mutually beneficial lovemaking in your marriage. Stop treating sex as an occasional treat you toss your husband when he has been on his best behaviour, and withhold it when he disobeys.
There is a lot in it for you too; walk feeling like you already hit your ideal weight on the scales and like you are the most beautiful, most brilliant woman in the world, just by getting something more out of the sex.